Should I be unhappy to see my kids happy?

No, it's going to take a toll on you in the long run. Wouldn't you want your babies to see you happy and healthy.

you're assuming that your kids will be happy just because they have a dad in their home. but even if he turns out to be a good dad, he's a shit partner, and that is not sustainable. he can be a good dad under a different roof, so that you can be happy. you deserve happiness. you deserve peace. your kids would rather have two happy homes than one unhappy one.

Your kids will be happy if you’re happy. I tried to make it work with my kids dad for the sake of having a family dynamic and having a “dad”. I was miserable. He was controlling, manipulative and abusive. After he hit me while pregnant with my 3rd child I packed my kids in the car and left. As sad as it is to say my kids don’t even call or look for him. Granted they’re still really young (3 & 2) and I’m also undoing all the damage that he has caused. Their development has been hindered being in that relationship, they witnessed fights - verbal and physical. They were just as unhappy as I was and I was stupid to have stayed for as long as I did. Since November my kids are brighter, bubbly, more expressive of emotions, they are happier. We have fun, we have structure, we have routine and they finally go to daycare for social interaction. Don’t make the mistake in assuming they’re happy because their dad is around. The fact you know he won’t bother with them if you left speaks volumes

It’ll only get worse. The home is only as happy as the parents are. I’ve watched my mom my whole life stay with her husband so we’d have a father and the way they treat each other sets a really bad example for her kids

If hes a dad worth having around hell be there if your together or not get out

Your children will grow watching and observing the way he treats you. They’ll grow thinking it’s acceptable. He sounds toxic. When I left my ex I burst in to a new person. I felt so happy. My son sees me happy and now gets to see what healthy love looks like. He loves his dad and nobody can replace him. His dad gets plenty of time with him and he loves staying there. He also loves being able to come home and have his mum, his mums partner and his dog. Of course it’s not easy, I was a child of divorce and my parents didn’t communicate so we as kids had to pass on any information or arrangements. Unfortunately they forgot we were the kids and often shot the messenger. I made it clear from day one that our son is priority and anything outside of that is irrelevant. Our own feelings do not take priority and we keep open communication. Now we’re very amicable and have good conversations.

I’m sorry but I’m seriously petty and at this sage of the psychological abuse I’d be reflecting it back on him. Everytime he told me I’d let myself go, I’d say “well maybe if I had a real man around that knew how to take care of his own flesh and blood, I’d have time for a shower and to put some makeup on. My looks are a result of the effort I put into parenthood, your looks are a result of a lack of”. And really drill down on his masculinity. If he wants to attack your femininity that’s exactly what I’d be doing. Also “you do realise the only reason I am here and present is because without my efforts you wouldn’t bother even seeing your own children, but one of these days I’m gonna have my done days because I’m already put off and irked at your inability to not only be a parent, but also a good partner”, I’d make him feel insecure at every corner. That’s just me though, this man really needs out of your life. I’d rather be a single mum than a single mum in a relationship

“If other people in our lives saw the things that were happening behind closed doors in our house, you’d never find a girlfriend or partner ever again. No woman wants to raise a man whilst also raising his children. Are you not embarrassed? I’d be ashamed if I were you tbh. You can say whatever you want about me but atleast I can say I do everything I can for our kids, you can’t even do anything for me nevermind the children you created. You’re actually a walking ick.”

Does he even make the kids happy? How exactly? How is anyone benefitting from him being around?

2 HAPPY homes are better than 1 MISERABLE home. Always. My ex and I have 2 kids together and us coparenting is 100% better for us and the kids than being in a relationship and arguing all the time.

Sounds like you’ve already got the single mom part down. What’s really stopping you? You’d be doing the same thing and no negativity to follow. I vote kick him out or leave.

Update: I was going to sit down and talk to him about everything but before I could shit hit the fan. 🙃 He waited until last minute(as in headed back home) to tell me that he didn’t have money for gas that was supposed to be my gas to get to school this week. So I just told him when we got home to pack his shit and leave. He decided to snatch my sunglasses off my face and say he was keep them and threw my Carmel frappé out the window. So we got home and he got out and I left. I have a ring camera and I heard him tell someone otp that I could pay for McDonald’s but I couldn’t pay for gas. I got my food free bc I had points so I didn’t even pay for it. 🤷🏻‍♀️ But he left and didn’t take any of his clothes. He also told my mom that I’m acting like this bc I’m pregnant and I’m not. 😂

sounds like a great opportunity to pack his clothes up for him 😌

Stand your ground and pack his clothes- if that’s something you want to do. I’m proud of you girl seriously, you’ve done a great job dealing with his childishness. See if you feel like caving? Don’t! Because the satisfaction of him proving your point when he comes back to beg will be enough for you trust me on that (remember I’m the petty one, if he does come back to beg I’d rub it in his face 🥲 I’d be like “oh? I thought I’d let myself go? Are you done being a child? You’re going to act like a man and stop embarrassing us both?” 😭😂) THATS JUST ME THO 😭😭😭😭 I hate men like this, or anyone like this lol

Update #2: got home and my clothes and the twins clothes were all in the floor. He’s taken everything he bought me but left nothing I bought him. But the icing on the cake is he took majority of their money out of their piggy banks.

now change your locks lol