Partner Moved Into Hostel After I Kicked Him Out

The mistake you made is having sex with him. Now he knows he’s got you right where he wants you. Desperate for him to come back he’s calling all the shots

Agree with comment above. He feels empowered because you keep apologising and that’s gave him the opportunity to put everything onto you and disregard his part in it all. He’s punishing you by staying away and enjoying watching you suffer and beg for his return. Personally I think what he’s doing is quite emotionally abusive. If this were me, I wouldn’t ask him to return again and I wouldn’t accept his calls while he is playing these games either.

I agree with the above comments as well. Give him the same treatment until he decides he wants to man up and act like an adult rather than a teenager.

@Kelly You’re right. I was sexually frustrated and my hormones are going crazy so I saw it as taking what I needed at the time.

@Danielle Yes, you’re right his actions are emotionally abusive. It’s messing with my head. He’s definitely punishing me and the picture he sent me of himself in the hostel just blew me away. How could prefer to stay in a room with bunk beds full of strangers than be home with his family!

@Stephanie Definitely immature no doubt about it. I’ve told him this and that he needs to man up but to no avail. He wants to be treated like a man yet doesn’t always behave like one!

@Lyss Thank you so much for this! I did mention to him I believe he has sociopathic traits and is possibly depressed with his personal life and other responsibilities he has which he sometimes unknowingly or knowingly takes out on me. This is exactly what happens, he says or does something triggering to me and I react, when I react everything is all my fault. Always. Especially if I’ve reacted in a way he thinks is wrong, almost as if he is trying to control how I respond to what he does to me.

@Lyss Thank you so much x

He doesn’t prefer to stay in the hostel, he’s staying there because he is enjoying punishing you. That’s sick. You deserve better

@Danielle I’ve got a meeting tonight and he’s supposed to be coming here to watch our son. I honestly feel like checking myself into a hotel after, getting the good nights sleep I deserve then the next day ignore his calls forcing him to take the day off work - meanwhile I go get a massage, my hair done, eyebrows done, etc. and feel good. I feel like he has drained me the past week, he hasn’t supported me at all.

Just be careful cuz you don’t want him to say that you abandoned your child to him and you could lose custody cuz if he’s a narcissist they can be spiteful and they don’t care if children are caught in the crossfire

@Lyss Maybe I should lie and say I’ve gone to hospital after the meeting claiming I feel ill and they’re keeping me overnight. He won’t check. Then not contact him until he’s had to take the day off work tomorrow - once he’s informed me he’s not gone in then I will say the hospital have let me go and I have errands I must run since I don’t have the baby with me. I am desperate to put energy back into myself and feel good.

Is there anyone else that can support? I wouldn’t want him anywhere near, I get your tired and you deserve the support but he’s an arsehole

I totally understand. I have been there. But honestly. As someone who left my narcissist ex husband 7 years ago… you need to find other people and support that you can rely on to get help from. If he gets wind that you are using him for help and rest he will do something that will make you regret it. I know you are exhausted and need a break but his already proven the level of petty he will stoop too… you aren’t dealing with someone who is thinking and acting rationally. So just make sure he doesn’t take out his emotions on the kid. Cuz as someone who is a daughter of narcissist as well… they can do stupid things… hell one time my husband before i kicked him out was watching our kids and he said he pulled my daughter’s hair cuz she was bad. She was 1. And he did it just to get a reaction from me. I’m not saying don’t do it just be extra mindful of the possibilities.

@Lyss I just received the below message from him I have taken the time we have been separated and I have connected with my ancestors. I have learned from them that this relationship is not healthy and they do not approve of this as I have been utterly disrespected as a man by being emotionally and physically abused. You may think that I am a joke but I learned there is someone out there that would I mean the world to. Who would treat me like a king and not a fool. And while you say I look like a weak little boy. My mother would never approve someone like you to be my wife and that says alot.

@Lyss Your ex pulled your daughter’s hair?!! WTH!

Don’t rise to that message he wants a reaction. Try and ignore for as long as you are able to. He wants a reaction to know that’s he’s getting to you

I’m sorry but “connected with my ancestors” has me rolling! 🤣🤣🤣🤣

And yeah he said he did- it could have been a lie or it could have been truth I was at work but either case he did it to hurt me. Not cuz of anything about her. But I let it back fire and I called it out in front of kids and told him he was dead ass worng for doing it and then he tried to flip it and say essentially I’m crazy for reacting that way but i didn’t care I wanted my kids to know that i would stand up for them no matter to who. And that was a big reason I reached out to divorce lawyers behind his back and started to plan my escape.

@Danielle @LyssI messaged him back a screenshot of me starting an application for child maintenance which will be £400 a month and said don’t worry about coming to look after my son today it’s ok I will skip the meeting. He is already struggling financially as three weeks ago when he arrived home from work the neighbour began knocking the door frantically and I heard her tell him “They’re stealing your van!” I heard him calmly say it’s ok. I ran downstairs to see what was happening and it was the bailiffs taking away his van. I tried to speak to them and asked how much I could pay to stop it but they told me he’d missed three payments and it was too late. Now he will have to pay the debt, pay for a hostel, his food and utilities alone he will struggle and the csa is going to make it worse. I’ve held us all down and allowed him to contribute whatever he could in the past. Telling me his ancestors and mother wouldn’t have approved of me when I’ve done so much to help him is disgraceful.

@Neena you are not alone 😂😂 it’s like he had no one else to play victim too so he decided to choose people who can’t say he’s dead ass wrong to anyone else 🤣🤣

I love that for you! Stand your ground!! You don’t need him weighing you down!! He’s dead weight!!

I read your whole post Incog and the whole time I was thinking what an absolute bell end (him not you lol) and that the universe has done you a massive favour by him moving out on his own accord so you can truly start living your life without his anchor weight tied round your neck. Spend these next few months nesting and re-organising your life ready for baby and making peace with the end of your relationship. You would truly be mad to accept him back. Start legal process of visitation etc so it’s all above board and court ordered, he can’t complain that way. Get that child maintenance claim in. Give him a date to get his shit out of your home. Also Google “grey rock method” and use it on him. I would also advise seeking private counselling for yourself as you need to tackle and unpack what has happened in your life that made you think crumbs from this wasteman was worth wasting your life over. Be thankful he’s gone now and hasn’t wasted another 10-30 years of your life.

@Neena It’s going to be very difficult for me also with a nine month old baby. I feel like I hate him for doing this to me all over nonsense. Can’t wait for time to go by and I get to that happy place again and hopefully by then he will be where he deserves to be for what he’s done. I can’t get past his level of childishness it’s just so annoying and not something I could stand forever. His attitude and behaviour only gets worse as time goes by.

@Lyss Good for you! Your kids have a mother who has their back! Hope you are much happier now. Must have been a nightmare going through all that.

Strange he went back to the hostel when he could come and be with his family and children