Saying "I love you" to your child

Did you hear I love you growing up?

@Anita not that I can recall. My mum might have done but definitely not from my dad

That childhood not hearing it might be why. I didn't start to love my little girl till she was 3 months old. I dint think I said I love you to her till she was about 4 maybe 5 months old. She's now 12 months. Not every mum has the over powering sense of love for their child in the beginning, instead the love grows with the child. If you are really struggling with the L word it might be a good idea to reach out for professional support. They'll help you get to the I love you words. I don't doubt you love your little one even if it's in a practical way. Sending support ❤️

Definitely can relate I will say it's easier to say to my baby but me and my family only say it in certain situations and my fiancé always says I never say it first or just not enough but it does feel weird I've gotten a bit better but not really after almost 3 years together

I didn’t grow up in an “I love you household”, and it def didn’t feel natural saying the words to my kids even though I have all the love in the world for them. But I force myself to say it out loud because I don’t want them to ever have any doubts that they are loved. I also have a hard time saying it to my husband, but of course it’s easier to explain to him why it doesn’t come easily to express it verbally

Asians definitely don’t grow up or were raised saying I love you. But I say it to my husband every day multiple times and my 5yr boy says it to me daily because I’ve been saying it to him since birth. But I don’t get told that from my own parents no. But I can break generational toxicity and trauma and teach my kids things my parents never taught me. My husband has trouble giving me the physical touch that I need since that’s my love language and he’s learnt over the years how to touch me to fulfil my needs. Otherwise it doesn’t come naturally to him either

Seems like your just not that type to vocalize feelings. I think when she gets older remind her as much as you can that is equal to your comfort. As far as not knowing how your feeling is think that's normal. Your 6 months pp so your body is still adjusting. It takes at least a year. Nothing us wrong with you and its not your fault. I think in time you'll understand what your feeling. If in 6 months your still feeling off than maybe talk to your doctor. Or maybe a support group typa thing. Whatever resource you find to talk to someone, even just a friend. For the time being just remember your not alone. Nothing is wrong with you. I believe you'll figure it out. Keep your head up

If your okay with meds maybe anti-depressants can help. I was hesitant at first but since I started taking them they have helped sooo much. Just start with the low dose and test it out. I have a low dose but it works.

I honestly didn’t say it to my first until she started talking and understanding it. Even my second rn I don’t and I’m a much better headspace. It just feels unnatural since they don’t really understand or acknowledge it. But I also don’t like PDA or saying I love you much in general

My husband asked me yesterday if I loved our son more than him, and then he jokingly said "no of course you love him more, that's a silly question" And I got a sense of guilt, because I actually wasn't sure how to answer that question. The only way I could explain it to myself is that my husband is a person, someone I can have conversations with and reason with. Someone I can laugh and joke around with. It's hard when you're looking after a little one full time and don't even get a thank you for it. I think the love is there, it's just hard to really feel it when they're so young. I think as they get older and you get more back from them, that love grows. Then when they can tell you they love you more than anything in the world, that will be such a magical feeling 💗

@Nicole I've found it's a different kind of love. The love you have for your child is something different to the love you have for a partner. I don't know how to explain the difference there just is one

I didn't have any connection with her when I was pregnant. I'd forget i was actually pregnant and could have easily given her away. We didn't have any skin to skin time. I let my husband take her right away when she was born. It was probs a couple of hours after being born before I held her and didn't have a clue on what I was doing or how I was meant to feel. I wanted to leave her at the hospital when I wanted to leave. As we were on the HDU for a few days. So I could leave but I wasn't aloud as she needed to stay a couple of nights

Honestly it seems like you dont want a child and haven’t for a while now. Is there a reason you chose not to abort or give her up for adoption? I’m adopted and know what it feels like to not be loved or wanted by your parents. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone. If you dont want a child or to be a mom, then you need to make a difficult choice. Your baby deserves a love filled, happy home and so do you. If this isn’t the life you want for yourself, dont suffer for longer than you have to.

@Julianna I didn't say I don't want her. Love is just a complex feeling for myself. We tried for a while for our first child. When I found out I was pregnant. I was so confused. As I was expecting to feel the overwhelming feeling of joy and excitement. I was actually scared and shitting myself. My husband wanted a child more than I did, so did it more for him. I did think about abortion and I spoke to people and they talked me out of it. I am in therapy and have been since I was pregnant with her. Its not all plain sailing of feeling the love and joy from the start. I felt so alone and out of my comfort zone and constantly questioning is this what I want etc. I was just expecting it to be a lot better than it is. People have said that my love for has grown and the way it's shown. I buy her things all the time. She's well looked after, not neglected, and I want her to have things I never had when growing up

@Julianna for some mums they don't feel love to start will. I didn't feel a connection to my little girl when I was pregnant with her and when she was born I went into survival mode. I never had that overwhelming sense of love and that's ok. It's a normal thing. I spoke to multiple midwives about it and MH professionals too. My partner was smitten from the day we found out I was pregnant with her. It took me 3 months to build any kind of bond with her. Some people just need extra support trying to get into motherhood. It doesn't always mean they don't want kids at all. I've always wanted kids but just can't cope with the pregnancy side of having kids and that's ok too. It just sounds like OP didn't want to feel completely alone with not being able to say the L word straight away

I understand that love is a complex feeling. However, in your original post you said that you dont know how you feel and when people ask if you love her, you can’t answer. You also said in a comment to someone else that you “could have easily given her away”. That is why I said it seems like you dont want to be a mom. Which isn’t a bad thing btw. Not everyone is meant to be a parent. It sounds like your husband wanted a baby and you wanted to abort, but people talked you out of it. That could be why you’re feeling so confused now about your feelings.

@Ebony I’m aware of all of that. My comment wasn’t referring to her not being able to say i love you. It was about another comment she had made under the post. Feeling that way postpartum and while pregnant are all normal. However, feeling that way for years and resenting your child bc of it, is not. Not saying that’s happening with OP, that’s just my personal experience.

@Julianna I get that and your experience will speak loads behind that. Your OG comment just came off a bit blunt when OP was more looking for support

@Ebony Was it blunt or just my honest opinion without any sugar coating? Like you said, my experience gives me a different perspective about this. Sometimes we need support and sometimes we need tough love. I wish someone would’ve given my mom some tough love instead of just supporting her. Support and enabling are two sides of the same coin and I think sometimes those lines get blurred. I get what you’re saying I just think a bit differently about it than you:)