Mamas with depression, anxiety, and other mental health disorders

I just need to vent. I’m so… idk. Idk that there is a right word for how I feel right now. Devastated? Defeated? Something in that realm. I haven’t felt like myself in about 3 years now. And I’ve lost any sense of self I had left after I had my daughter 10 months ago. I struggle so hard with PPD, PPA, and severe body dysmorphia. Last night as I was laying in bed with my thoughts, I decided that I’d take time for just ME today. Paint my nails, pull out some sexy outfits, set up my makeup ring light, get pretty and take some pictures for myself. At home boudoir, if you will. Before my boyfriend left for work I told him that when he gets home I’d like him to take over the kids and let me do my nails, take a long shower, and get myself right. I requested to be left alone after the kids go down so I can take my pictures. He agreed and told me it sounded like a great idea. Fast forward to this evening… I did my nails. But in between each set of toes and each hand I still had to cater to the kids. Okay fine. Whatever. I get in the shower and everything is fine until my boyfriend walks in with my baby (both kids are sick rn) and says “I know you wanted a shower by yourself but she could use some steam. She is so congested”. Okay.. fine… I take her and she spends about 15 minutes in the shower with me. Upon getting myself out, I realize my nail polish has peeled off like stickers….. now I’m getting angry. I haven’t been left alone like we agreed, and the hours I spent just trying to paint my nails under up being for nothing. So I peel the rest of my polish off and go into the living room ready to cry. He says it’s okay and I’m not even willing to attempt to explain why it’s not okay to me. I get dressed, I put on lotion and everything. I pick up my crying baby and she sneezes snot ALL OVER ME. So now I’m not clean, my clothes I just changed into aren’t clean…. I’m also a bit of a germaphobe so naturally I have a bit of a breakdown. I get her and I cleaned up. And I say “I’m going to go change and blow dry my hair”. I’m hit with “okay baby sounds good”. I walk away…. Cue sobbing screaming baby.. MAMA. MAAAAMAAAA. WANT MAMAAAAAAA. I didn’t even bother plugging my blow dryer in. I just gave up. Now I’m sat here on the floor with my baby crying and typing this. I just feel like every effort today was for nothing. I don’t ever get time to myself, I don’t get to feel pretty, I don’t get to do anything for myself. I’m JUST a mom. I get to be covered in baby food, or snot, or formula, or whatever else. I get time for kids and everyone else but not me. I just really… idk maybe I’m rambling now. I’m just upset. Every time I put times into myself, I end up disappointed and upset.

Update: I cried. Was told “it’s not the end of the world and to be so worked up is kind of dramatic to me”. So I’m going to bed now. It’s about the time and energy I wasted. It’s about ALL of the times I’ve tried to spend quality time on myself and do things for me that ended up this exact same way. It’s about never having a chance to feel like anything that a fat unkempt cow. It’s about being a mom and ONLY a mom. It’s about so much more than the nail polish. But like usual, I will just go to bed

Did anyone get over it y do feel like giving up

Hi mumma I'm new here. The last 2 weeks iv struggled with anxiety and depression and it's absolutely crippling my life. I am 21 weeks pregnant and also have a 3 year old full time. I'm drowning. Any help or advice xx

So I went to graduate school at Columbia University. It's the first time I was away from home, I lived a very sheltered life. Met a guy through a friend and was really into him, things got a bit further than I anticipated, but it was consensual. Then I heard him on the phone with his friends and he was talking to them about them coming over. That was my que to get the h@ll out of there. He was like, oh, you're not staying over, you're leaving? I said, yup, bye!!! Thankful I did not hang around to see what would happen next, thankful he did not offer me a spiked drink, thankful he did not forcefully detain me (I was in his dorm room, no one else there). Things could have gone bad fast. Never thought about worse case senarios of that night until now. Sad thing is if anything had happened to me, I mostlikely would not have said anything because my parents were very strict and judgemental and would have blamed me, and I probably would have blamed myself. To those who's story did not have a positive ending, it is not your fault and you deserve justice.

I really wish I had a friend to talk too! I need to vent so bad and don’t kno wut to do!