At what age should we be talking about serious stuff (like illness/death) with our kids???

I think you did the right thing! Maybe to help them feel more understood, ask them what they would prefer. They are old enough to have a conversation about what they would like to know for information.

It’s ok to talk about this stuff.
It’s also ok for your daughter to be sad. Life is full of grief and she’ll need support and validation that sadness and crying is normal. It’s not talking about it and not letting kids have their emotions that is more harmful in the long run.

Model for them how to be sad and how to self care during grief and that sometimes people suffer and that’s all a normal part of life! They have to learn about these things.

It’s never easy but you’re doing what you can. My husband’s grandma passed today from cancer the doctors only found it last month it also was all over. We plan on telling the kids in the morning. My kids have been around death a lot so it’s not new to them but it’s hard. You didn’t mess up and I think you did the right thing. She should know and not be kept in the dark. Maybe sit down with her and let her know that you told her so she knows what to expect and rather than dropping it on her when he does pass. Then maybe talk to her about how she would prefer to be told.

its hitting him pretty fast too. I did end up talking to her, apologized for upsetting her with the news and asked her “would you like to go see him, he’s in the hospital” and she surprisingly said yeah. It’s a 2 hr drive so I texted my mom and asked if he would be up for visitors. She said he’s pretty miserable and not with it right now. But maybe wait to see how he is next week. I don’t have many people left that my kids are close to. Both of my dad’s parents passed when I was in HS. My son was 2.5 when my grandpa passed (I was a teen mom) my mom’s mom lives in fl and tbh I don’t think she’s seen my daughter since she was a baby. Hopefully we will get to see him before his time comes but I also don’t want it to be too much for the kids to see him like that. My dad’s passing was super unexpected so they never saw him unwell. It’s all just so hard.. and it’s hard to see my babies hurting.

I hear you. It’s not easy to see them sad. This is still new to them and they are still learning how to process these feelings. You’re doing your best and you are doing a great job. Maybe a phone call can help. Let her know he doesn’t have much energy to see people right now. Also try pulling out photos and telling her about happy memories. I’ve learned that the younger ones hurt more because they feel guilty for not knowing the person better or feeling like they aren’t worthy to greave like others. Just give her time and make sure to let her know it’s ok to be sad and upset

When my MIL dog had to be put down we explained death very simply to my then 2.5 year old. A few months later her Grandpa’s mom passed and we went to the funeral so we talked about it again. She has a full vocabulary, talks in several word sentences—basically talks like a 5 year old so I knew she would be able to understand the language. Death is a part of life and should be talked about

I have ALWAYS been upfront with my kids about most everything from a young age (age appropriate convos/explanations). I feel it has helped. They haven't had anyone really close to them pass. But kids are very sensitive. Her feelings are very valid. It's good to have exposure to reality, things we have no control over. Just be there for her & help her work through it.

I would start talking about stuff with my kids when there is something to talk about or when they start asking questions. Sickness and death are hard for a lot of people but I don’t see how you can really shield a 9 year old and not say anything at all. I was 9 when I first experienced death with someone significant to me.