Just needed a safe space to vent about being cheated on
I’ve been with my husband for around 8 years. We broke up for a year before I got pregnant, and when I found out, we got back together. He told me he wanted to marry me in September.
A couple of weeks ago, I found out he cheated in November, at a time when I was pregnant and helping care for my grandad, he passed away later that month. My husband was still messaging the woman a couple weeks ago so I called her and found everything out. Nothing is going on with them now, but he says he was comforting her because someone she knew passed away. (He told her about us and that were married now and have a baby but she had invited him over at 4 am a month before the wedding and he said he was too tired and didn't go)
There was also another girl, I called her too. He didn’t cheat with her, but he led her on, and even after she told him she had feelings, he kept meeting up with her and flirting, right up until about a month before I gave birth. She told me if she were in my place, she wouldn’t be okay with how he was with her.
After giving birth, I was struggling emotionally but I managed. Since finding all this out though, I just feel sad most days. He works a lot, so I only see him late at night when I’m already in bed, then he sleeps during the day before going back to work. He says he’s sorry and feels bad, and I do believe him but he doesn’t really see how upset I am or what it’s done to me. When I try to tell him, he just says he’ll “add it to the list of problems he’s working on.”
It feels like my feelings are a burden, even though it’s him who cheated and should feel bad. I feel like I’m left to carry all this sadness alone, and I don’t even get the time or space to properly be upset with support from him. N I'm too embarrassed to tell my friends coz they've just seen us get married and have a baby. I don't want people looking at my relationship like it's a mess...
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
He's absolutely not sorry, and he only feels bad because his selfish, sorry behind got caught. I'm incredibly sorry you're had to experience this. His behavior is dangerous, disgusting, immature, and he lacks the integrity to be a husband and a father at this point. If he's willing to go, consider therapy. But please keep in mind that whatever you decide to do is ultimately going to affect you and your peace going forward.
People are going to comment on this and tell you to leave him. And they’re right.
However I really feel for you because, it isn’t as straight forward when you’re married. It’s all the logistics of it.
This man has no respect for you though. If you hadn’t called these 2 other girls, would you have ever found out? He wasn’t going to tell you. It wasn’t just once, it was twice and who knows if there’s been more times?
He didn’t just disrespect you. He disrespected you at the most vulnerable times of your life.
If it were me, personally, as a married woman myself? I’d quietly start making my exit plan now and get out whenever you can.
One day in the future you’ll meet someone who will give you the world and all the love and respect you deserve😊 x
this was nicely said !!
I'm so sorry you're in this situation. Please don't feel embarrassed to tell your friends. If they are true friends, they will support you and I think support is something you need right now.
As someone else said, he isn't sorry. He has cheated filter etc more than once and with more Ethan one woman. That's not okay.
This is not a man who is trying to change or take accountability for his actions. If he hadn’t been caught, his behaviour would have continued, and may still, in which case the narrative would become “you were on my case about this all the time and I needed a break”.
Leaving isn’t easy and nobody says you have to do it all at once. You can make the decision and create a plan long before you have to put it into action, but don’t let this man hurt you any more.
@A'zia🕉🧘🏾♀️🍅✨️👸🏽 yeah I very much feel like he's sorry he got caught. He let me get married to him without knowing anything and I feel so shit about it. I was so happy during my pregnancy and I feel like its all tainted, my last days with my grandad, my pregnancy, the wedding. But yeah I very much agree, I don't have much peace at all right now
@Amy yeah it's not so straightforward, my parents divorced when I was a kid and I always wanted to be a family when I had my own, just plays into it as well. I don't think he would have ever told me to be honest. And literally, I wasn't just pregnant but also trying to spend time with my grandad before he passed. Thank you for your advice😌❤️
@Michelle yeah I think it's probably best i reach out to someone. Just thought I'd get advice here first, just feel unsure of myself atm so needed some reassurance from somewhere other than friends. Much appreciated
@Kate I aggree, is why I'm not trying to be on his case so much about it but I'm basically putting my feelings aside to save his when it should be the other way around🫠 thank you
The truth is it won’t matter whether you actually were on his case, if he’s allergic to accountability it’s automatically the narrative he’s going to create.
Download the Peanut App
