Sister in law drama
I'm mostly needing to vent but open to suggestions. So this is all going on for my husband and I'm not technically a part of it other than as my husband's support system. His sister is hard core guilting him that he has abandoned his"old family" for his "new family" aka his wife and 1 year old child. We have had to cancel a few trips to see them because of illness (thanks daycare) and then I got 2 herniated disks in my low back, which has taken me out of commission for months now. I can't even lift my child so my husband has picked up everything and is amazing. On top of that he has a huge and important task at work right now that he has no help with. He is tired, burnt out, and overstimulated. His sister is just making things worse by texting that he doesn't care about his family and isn't helping his parents move. They live 2.5 hrs away, I can't sit for more than 20 minutes without pain and numbness and we have a toddler. His parents didn't even ask for our help because they knew it wasn't a great time for us. But his sister is laying it on thick, he had explained multiple times why he can't come, and she is playing the victim. I hate seeing this, he is close with his sister but she can't accept his life has changed and he won't be visiting his hometown once a month anymore. His folks have visited us which was great but his sister refuses to drive to visit us. Roads work both ways. She doesn't have children and owns her own business so her schedule is flexible, she does babysit a niece once a week for 8 hours so she "understands" what we are going through as parents but it really isn't that hard 🙄. I just want to yell at her to shut up and back off, all she is doing is driving a wedge between herself and my husband. Even if he had the bandwidth to go for a visit, he now doesn't want to encourage this behavior. I just want to help but I also don't want to make things worse so I've been listening and supporting my husband when he needs me.
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I had this exact same scenario my sister-in-law found it super difficult when we first got married and felt that I was driving a wedge or that he was spending more time with my side of the family which just happens to be bigger. It was not the case that we were cutting her out, she became distant and hostile and got worse and worse and worse However when she got pregnant and had a child it seemed to have mellowed her out unfortunately I think it has taken almost 9 years for her to recognise her mistake and I have seen her slowly repent for what she’s done.
This is a long-term process. I think what you’re doing is perfect. You just need to be supportive. There’s nothing else you can really do as much as it’s frustrating and you are going through your own trials and tribulations. You just need to be your own family unit. Everybody else is secondary she will come around Monday.
I’m sorry you’re going through this. One thing I can relate to is the herniated disks. I had surgery back in the beginning of May on my lower back and found out I was pregnant three days after. NO ONE understands the level of pain you’re in.. not just physically but also mentally. Every day you wake up praying the pain will be gone and it’s not. Nothing you do or take works… it’s a horrific terrible thing. I rather give birth 100 times than have that pain. Every one knows ur hurting, but it’s almost unbelievable in their eyes unless they’ve experienced it. If you haven’t already please go see an orthopedic doctor, and if you want to message me we can swap stories and maybe I can help tell you things I’ve done/tried. I get it.. fully. ❤️❤️
I can totally relate. I’m only 34. The steroid shot didn’t even touch my pain, and I refused physical therapy because my pain was so uncontrolled and even the slightest movements sent me into terrible flare ups. i was in pain for over a year. I was cooking Easter dinner hunched over. My insurance was refusing to cover an MRI. I finally went to the emergency room and told them I lost control of my bowels lol. Yes it was a lie but I got an immediate MRI, and FINALLY given pain medication. Pain medication didn’t work of course, and they gave me emergency surgery. I’ll never wait again, if I ever get that pain again I’m going straight for surgery. It was a God send. I’m having some pain now, but with pregnancy weight gain it’s inevitable. I hope it all works out for you and if you ever need to talk I’m here!
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