My husband has changed his phone password
A few days ago he accused me of being controlling because I checked his phone.
He said I want to get into his skin and don’t give him space to breathe.
If you can all hold passing judgement until you read why…
He’s an emotionally abusive alcoholic. He’ll buy alcohol, lie about it, come home and lash out and then lie through his teeth saying he didn’t drink and it was stress/a traumatic depression episode. He cries and begs for mercy and forgiveness.
He was texting this woman, who I do know, deleted the texts and when I found them he said ‘oh I forgot to tell you, doesn’t mean I’m lying about it. I only deleted the messages because I didn’t want to see them there anymore’.
He pretended he was at work, but he was out at a stag party for his friend. He deleted the photos, I saw them in his deleted folder and he lied about that too. Saying he only popped through briefly, but I found messages in a group that’s been planning it for months.
He’s a liar and I’m planning to leave. I don’t know why I’m so angry he’s changed his password, maybe it’s because I know he’s hiding more shit.
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I’m very much team if you have to search their phone or feel the strong need to you already have your answer and should just leave. The trust is broken and if you can’t trust them innocent or in this case not, it doesn’t matter because the trust is gone. Either you want help or you want to leave. Honestly, it is kind of a controlling move even if you did prove he was lying. You could have easily determined that without going through his phone and left without doing it.
How would I have proved he brought alcohol, or was texting other women or had gone to a stag without seeing that on his phone?
You already distrusted him enough to do it. The trust was already gone. That was your answer. You already said your leaving, you had the answer before looking. You just happened to find proof to justify your reason when you didn’t need to. You couldn’t trust him and that’s all the justification you needed.
Simply not trusting a man is a valid reason to leave
then the spouse needs to work on that and not do things that are considered toxic that make the situation worse. Spouse with trust issues probably needs therapy, but that doesn’t give them the right to be hurtful to others.
I think we may have misunderstood what I’m saying here . Miss Ma^am my perspective could be pinpointed into many perspectives . Not just one scenario. I mean sometimes we are in the wrong place at the wrong time. You are judging what I said before thinking about it . What I mean is sometimes we need to work on our selves too. Yes sometimes it’s the man , sometimes it’s not . But you are judging what i said when my perspective is not attacking any man. It could be put into many perspectives .
to back you, not trusting your partner no matter the why is a valid reason to leave. Not being ready for a relationship due to that persons own trust issues is just as valid a reason as not trusting a partner because they gave a reason to distrust. Your advice absolutely fits more than one scenario.
I can learn to see it from your perspective too.
I understand he has lied and that’s not okay. I also understand why you looked because you wanted an answer as presumably you did ask him about his alcohol and texting other women and he told you he didn’t. I think you deserved to know the truth and he wouldn’t have given it to you. He was being deceptive and I’ve been with someone similar to him and they only start to do more stuff and manipulate you. Plus he’s only changed his password because it’s clear he’s not going to change. That’s what he has chosen. He doesn’t want you to see stuff that he is doing. If it was me I’d leave and not look back. I’d suggest going to therapy for yourself too as you may struggle after and sometimes when people betray us we can carry it on in our hearts a long time of course but sometimes even into the next relationship. Eventually learn how to forgive and let those things in the past go. Don’t be hard on yourself and learn from what you did that you think you could have handled better
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