19 months old tantrums

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Totally normal! They start wanting to do things themselves, testing boundaries, feeling big emotions but not sure how to cope with them nor articulate their feelings so a big screech and tantrums is often how it comes out. Keep modelling how to stay calm and try and talk her through her feelings where you can “are you feeling sad because xyz?” Explaining why she is unable to do something or you need to do it to keep her safe etc whilst validating her feelings etc. and holding consistent boundaries in a calm way..it’s a long frustrating process for both you and her but all a healthy part of toddlerhood

So.... this is a development thing. Think of it this way: a toddler is learning how things work. They understand that Mom does certain things at bedtime, meal times, during play time, often in the same order. They understand and thrive on programs and routines. But if one thing, even one small thing, doesn't fit the program, it can ruin the entire program.

As adults, our brains are elastic, and we can make accommodations for changing circumstances and for breaks in routine. Toddlers can't do that yet. If mom always does bedtime, then Mom = bedtime, and no mom = no bedtime. Similarly, if the pancake isn't cut exactly how she thinks it should be, it is no longer a pancake as she knows it. Again, our brains are elastic and can understand that it's still a pancake regardless of shape or size, but kids take years to develop that kind of adaptability.

It's also important that they understand their feelings on this are valid. To us, the pancake shape may not be a big deal, but to a toddler it is quite literally the end of the world. They need to know that their feelings matter and are valid. That doesn't mean you allow hitting or shouting - you can correct action, but still validate behaviour. Let her know that it is ok to be upset that things didn't go her way, but reinforce that acting out, biting, throwing things, etc. is not the right way to go about it.

Completely normal development
My daughter is 18 months and throws tantrums when things don’t go her way. It’s hard to stay calm but I find trying to explain things to her and taking time to offer distraction or just time for her to settle on her own helps. If she’s hitting I usually try and state gentle hands, reiterating that hitting isn’t a nice thing to do. With time it will get better

This is very comforting. Thank you all so much for taking the time to explain!

I thought that it was maybe because my husband took some overtime, and maybe that's why she's been upset. But all this makes sense now.

Any advice on letting her know that "mommy can't sit with you right now" Would it be right to explain that to her and maybe sit with her for a little while and then go back to whatever I was doing even if she starts crying again?

I find it really hard getting up and leaving... but there's food on the stove or w.e and I can't just sit on the stairs with her for 2 hours everytime she askes.

So when I'm cooking especially at that age, I set up a game i can normally get her to play but also interact with through speech. Ie. If she can build towers I say. "While I just finish cooking dinner csn you show me your tower building skills then when I've finished i can come and help" or "can you get your baby ready for dinner" and while I'm cooking I'll be interacting with her and asking her to find a red block or a green or 'helping' her find her baby things... eventually I also brought a toddler tower and would give her a little bit of food to play with next to me or some food to "help" me prepare for dinner on the counter next to me. Stuff like that. They're good age appropriate things that might help!

We also have a toddler tower in the kitchen, and it has helped immensely. When I have to do something, if my husband isn't available, she can either play in the living room by herself (it's an open floor plan, so I can see her), or I get her involved with the cooking, let her stir and help me put pots away, etc. Sometimes she puts up a token protest, but it usually passes. If she is being particularly clingy, I hold her and talk to her a bit and tell her I have something I need to do, or I set her up with a snack.

One of my tricks is to put her at the toddler tower and give her a spoonful of nut butter. She loves it, it gives her something to do, and it's a decent shot of fats and proteins between meals.

Such great ideas! I'm definitely going to look into the toddler towers! Thank you so much!