I just need to rant and talk to someone who's impartial.
So I currently live with baby's dad, we are engaged and have a house. Since having the baby I haven't really been up to sex but my partner is very much sex oriented, it's his love language and important to him. I do try but sex postpartum is sore (feels like friction burn- I have to told him this and he said we need to do it more đ) also I have a low sex drive at the moment so I can do it once and be okay for a week I think it's because I'm exhausted and exclusively breastfeeding. But this isn't enough for him. I also make sure I give him contact with tickles and kisses when he hasn't pissed me off đ€Ł
He has now said to me he's not sure if he wants another baby, he knows I want at least 2 but has now said his ones to much hard work (aka lack of sex as I'm up all night with the baby and very tired) and apparently I'm not great and keeping the house tidy as I'm home all day and he just wants to come in from work and do nothing.
We are due to get married next year but I'm so sad if I can't have another baby, I can't imagine not doing this again and had it of been my first and last would have done the whole shower, baby shoot, maternity shoot thing.
I feel like he's actually not very supportive but because he "pays for everything", "lets me me sleep for an extra hour", "pays the bills so I don't have to worry" "allows me to be on maternity" like he's the gift and I should be for ever grateful and when I said you aren't supporting me he reeks off every he does and everything I don't do.
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He sounds pretty selfish imo. Not to be lewd but his dick isnât going to fall off if he doesnât have sex whilst youâre healing from delivery. And if heâs insisting on sex despite you being clear that youâre in pain, I donât think he has your best interests at heart. Yes the common waiting time is until 6wks PP, but everyone is so individual and everyone heals at a different rate. If he wants to âgo to work, come home and do nothingâ and expects the housework done and sex, it sounds to me like youâre being treated like a nanny/cleaner/sex toy, to be blunt with you. Whatâs his opinion going to be when you go back to work? Is he also going to still expect to âcome home and do nothingâ? Is he expecting you to work an 8-9hr day, tend to baby, clean, and also have sex whilst he does nothing? It doesnât sound like a fair partnership.
I second Eve! And suggest lube if youâre not already using it when you do want to have sex.
I'm going back to work part time and he has actually said that on my two days off I can get all the house stuff done
Just not entirely sure what to do because he says that he doesn't wanna break up with me or anything, but this is how he's feeling and I need to take into account his feelings too
He canât possibly work all day 7 days a week. What does he contribute on his days off?
No see youâre working by 24 seven taken care of your baby. He doesnât get to just come home and do nothing. He is a parent too and when it comes to sex, he can wait or use his hand. My partner never pressures me for sex if Iâm not in the mood, Iâm not in the mood and itâs perfectly fine he will handle it himself if he needs a release.
Thatâs not how partnership works, honey. He doesnât get to just work and pay the bills and leave you to take care of the child in the house and then on top of that youâre talking about youâre going back to work and he still expects to do nothing honestly I would definitely be thinking twice about getting married and if I were you I would be thinking about leaving.
I agree 100%. I would also really listen to him when he says he doesnât want more children, because if he acts like this now and is all snobbish and entitled about his role in the house, if you got pregnant a second time he would probably come to resent you and the comments would get much worse. I think that his behaviour is definitely a warning sign and Iâd really reconsider marriage to someone like this
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