Are grandparents legally entitled to see their grandchildren? And advise re MIL please.
To cut a long story short MIL had an argument with my partner a week before I gave birth and cut all contact.
Once little one was born they reinstated contact.
When he turned two weeks old she cut us off again. She sent a load of mean and rude messages saying my partner was not son of hers, that he is a horrible person, that he’s abusive (which he’s not), that I’m possessive and controlling (for asking her not to tell anyone I was pregnant till 20 weeks, not post pictures of baby on social media and to not kiss him) she called my family arrogant and made comments about the baby lying in dog hair all day (we have two dogs so their is hair but we hoover twice daily, he has his own Moses basket that the dogs don’t touch, theirs throws on the sofa that get washed 2/3 a week). Also bought is a pram from him during pregnancy which we told her not to do as knew she’d use it against us (planned to get one second hand or on klarna). Then began demanding the money back three later. We offered to pay it instalments (maternity pay is poor and trying not to go into savings) which she refused as wanted it all in one go.
All of this is because she doesn’t want baby’s grandad involved in his life (they divorced 25 years ago). We have not asked her too see him just explained that in the future at school events they might bump into each other and need to be civil for our child’s sake. His dad is happy with this and accepts this and been nothing but supportive.
She messaged us today demanding access to our son. Saying we made her feel awkward when she was around and barley held him (because she kept kissing him and I wasn’t talking much as was really struggling with birth trauma and feeling sad and anxious which she knew). We suggested my partner seeing her and build the relationship up again but she refused. She wants to take him out for a couple of hours without us. He is overall exclusively breastfed (very occasionally gets a EBM bottle - every 10 days or so). I just don’t trust her. How can someone abandon their son and grandson? And send abusive messages. Like how do I know she won’t be rude to my son? Is it unreasonable to deny access? I’m not even sure I want her to see him supervised but would consider it. I don’t want my son not having his grandmother involved but don’t want him getting hurt either.
Thank you and sorry for the rant.
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Sorry it wasn’t that short 😂
Hey she sounds very intense. It’s definitely a conversation to have with your partner now about how the two of you want to manage this moving forwards as it sounds stressful for you both but also you don’t want her giving your child things and then turning around and asking for them back.
In the uk grandparents have no automatic rights to grandchildren. It is at parents discretion or she would have to take you both to court for visitation rights
No they don't, this is England not America. They can apply to court for a child arrangement order but would come at a cost and you'd obviously be able to have your say around it also. Ignore her
She has no rights to your baby. This only applies in certain places/countries/states if something were to happen to both you and your partner to prevent children going into the care system. Her behaviour is completely toxic and tbh she doesn't deserve access to your baby. It is always very concerning when someone wants to be alone with your child without you there. What are their motives? In a perfect world your baby would have a relationship with their grandma but if you are worried about him getting hurt, you are better off keeping him away from her. It doesn't sound like she respects you or your partner so it's unlikely her behaviour will change or she'll respect any boundaries you have. Keep your distance and focus on the healthy relationships in your life
Grandparents have no rights, but a child does to have a relationship as long as they’re safe. Maybe give mediation a go and see what happens there. As long as there’s no safeguarding concerns she would likely get some kind of contact if she went to court after. While baby is young I wouldn’t allow taking for couple hours especially while BF, maybe she can come to the house or meet in public place
Oh wow, kind of appears like a déjà vu to me.... 😅🤣🙈🤦🏼♀️
My MIL is similarly dramatic & problematic. we set up some boundaries/ rules for everyone handling our baby (eg not kissing face/ hands). She is the only one who made a huge fuss out of it. Also blaming us that we keep HER grandson away from her - which we don't... We just told her that we don't want to spend more than 3 days with her in a row because she is not able to keep her shit together for longer and then her emotional drama starts. Now she cut her son/my partner out and tries to forbid him having contact to "HER family" (his aunts/uncles, great uncle, etc.) because supposedly we are so unfair to her. Because the family members are around her age she doesn't consider them "his family", too 🤨🙄
However, my partner said he has emails and letters from over the last 20 years with her emotional drama. now is the point where he says "it's enough" & ignores her until she gets her shit together.
Being a grandma is no right or entitlement.
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