What do I do??

I always start with trying to time it when my toddler is occupied with something else or when my husband is around to keep him away but if that's not an option, you're going to have to just keep repeating that you're in the middle of talking to someone else and they will have their turn later. It's going to take time and repetition just like teaching them how to use a cup or potty training or anything else they learn. You will probably also have to tell the person on the phone "we're working on patience and taking turns so I'm sorry if I have to ask you to hold on for a minute while I remind my child that they have to wait"

they’ll literally climb the counter and do stuff they know they shouldn’t because I’m busy 🤦🏼‍♀️

They’ll be focused on me on the phone, they laugh in my face when I say I’m on the phone or I’m busy right now I have to get off everytime. I got smacked in the face with a basketball today.

I just feel so frustrated I wanna cry and I do

When you get off the phone, what happens next? If they're getting you off the phone and gaining your attention (good or bad), they see that as getting exactly what they want. Put them in timeout (separately)and then go back to being on the phone

Phone calls during nap/test times

How old are they? Do they just need to be occupied while you talk? Are they getting enough of your attention otherwise?

I’d leave. If you have a baby monitor or something similar. Leave them in the living room with an activity set up and maybe a snack platter (cut veggies and fruits that sort of thing), all doors locked and safety locks in place. Everything should be baby proofed anyway. They hit you, keep it nice and simple. Cause and effect. “No. We use gentle hands” then model it. Obviously that’s not going to work the first couple of times so when they go to hit you again “you hit mama, mama goes bye bye.” Then get your butt up and walk to another room, lock it. And monitor them from the camera. Come back out like 5min later, but If they hit again leave. I will not be around you if you’re going to hurt me. We can ask for things politely but it’s not a game to be mean. You’re also modeling what to do if someone hurts you, which can be useful for them later on.

It’s like putting yourself in time out, but it’s giving you more control of the situation. You don’t get to have mommy if you’re going to hurt mommy. Show them how you want them to treat you, and when they don’t, remove yourself.

I don’t think people should be on their phones when they have children, my personal opinion.

Use your phone when they’re napping x

I think she is having a conversation on the phone. Like she’s on a call. I don’t think that’s crazy for SAHM who doesn’t really get out. Now I get where you coming from with like constant scrolling or not being a present parent. But it sounds like this mom can’t get a min to have some adult interaction, even if it’s on the phone

oh no I pay my bill so I’m going to be on my phone whenever I want she gets attention from me I’m with her 24/7 taking care of her doing what I need to do as long as you don’t be on it the whole entire time I feel like it’s okay

Try AirPods? When I’m on my phone my kid can’t tell I’m still 100% focused on him what he’s doing I’ll still answer his questions and talk to him in between but he doesn’t really bother me more than he already does I’m not holding my actual phone like I can talk while hanging up laundry, or cooking, or walking to the park my son will be scooting besides me and I’ll be talking to my bestie but my phones not in my hand all I need is one of the AirPods in and I’ll just yap. I think because he can see you holding your phone it’s like “let’s annoy mum” kinda thing. Also if you are home 24/7 they might be bored might wanna get out for a bit I know my toddler wants to scoot for a couple hrs a day we’re at the skate park or splash park nearly every day in summer.

it’s a call to my mom.. the only person I really call and she’s also talking to the kids because she misses them. Then I turn to talk to her and they go crazy.

5 and 4 it happens everytime I’m on the phone, at least the last 20 times idk how long it’ll take I’ll ofc keep on it but frustrated they get so physical for no reason they never do it otherwise

I’ve had a show they like on, snacks out, they will ignore the show, destroy the food making messes or if I do go to a different room as I’m talking they’ll run to another room to do something not supposed to🙃 they egg each other on to do naughty things which doesn’t help

I’ve walked around as I talk they’ll think ‘mommy’s not watching’ though they know I can know what they’re doing and either get intense to point I have to get off or go do something like get on the counter, grab uncooked pasta and break to million pieces which they know I wouldn’t let them do. I’ve tried the distraction, I’ve talked about being gentle and they’ll laugh in my face and keep being rough while being goofy forces me to get off and deal with it wether it’s talking or timeout

exactly even tho I only talk to my mom every few days for 30 min if even, 10-15 of them interacting with her she lives very far and hasn’t seen them in 2 years. She and their dad is the only calls I make, other than appt or idk say a bill I need to make a call for

Okay I understand the getting on the counter thing. Let’s lock up the pantry maybe?? Is there a room in the house they can stay in that’s like 100% childproofed?? Leave them there then. I’d block off the kitchen and other rooms with baby gates as well.

They’ll lessen but I still need to address their outbursts so yes I do put them in timeout, it’s been pretty consistent at times they’ve been naughty while I’m on the phone. I’ll say maybe 3/20 times I didn’t because I got off before they did anything hurtful

It’s like when both are separate in time outs tho if I stop watching one, the other gets out in legit 2 seconds to pick at the wall or something else I wish I had 4 arms and 2 sets of eyes sometimes

Gentle parenting is for gentle kids .

How is their behavior normally? It doesn't sound like this is out of character for them, just more than usual. Do you follow any time of schedule of activities for them? Do they get outside enough?

how so? Should she be smacking them?

Wait they're 4 and 5? They aren't toddlers

in my mind they are😭 but I know boundaries should be sticking at 4 I’ve wanted to try behavior therapy only thing that stops me is they don’t act out towards other kids just each other and me I know I’m at fault for not being consistent in the beginning tho I feel like I need help assessing their behavior, how to handle them probably going to seek counselling help for them if continues after more time of strict consistency

I don’t believe in smacking or spanking I don’t want them to associate me with harming them when there’s gotta be other ways for wild kids I’ve never been around kids before my own I was the baby of my fam and no one had kids until around when I did

honestly yes they’re wild, more enhanced when I’m on the phone or mentally busy. It’s hard to get out right now with it being 90’s by late morning and their dad has the car for work during the day. I’ve taken them to the park myself as that’s the only way sometimes by myself they end up getting too reckless and not listening to a point I have to carry both in my arms to the car 3/4 the time I’ll say that happens. maybe I do need behavior therapy for them

We used to have two cars if it makes more sense now it’s one so we only go outside when it’s not sweltering

So at 4 and 5, they should be getting ready for school and following some sort of routine. Start setting some expectations and routines in place and their behavior might change. Alot of kids thrive on that stuff, mine did.