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Intimacy & Relationships

Be Intentional Ladies…

When my husband and I first started dating 15 years ago we were young. Both sophomores in college. We came from similar but very different backgrounds and I heard his story thinking “He has had such a hard life”. He was a hard working man, and had so much “potential”. I didn’t look at him as a provider, or a protector and that was my mistake. I was so busy working, going to school and focusing on a career. I did not let myself fall into a feminine space to depend on him. I had my own. My own place, my own car, my own money. I didn’t go to him when I needed something because I was taught to figure it out on my own. Why is it that we as black woman feel this need to show and be independent? I allowed him to use my space and refuge. He had a rough home life he could come to my space. His car went down he would use mine. I was creating a pattern. He would always worried about me as an afterthought to what going on his life. After making sure his mom, his sister, his brothers were okay. Then he would focus on me. But who did I fall on when I was in need. My family has never been there for me.
I remember thinking I don’t need him for that. I just like being with him.
Now we are married. And I realize I yearn to be able to have that vulnerability. To have a husband who goes out of his was to make sure I am taken care of. To cook for me when I am sick. And now just leave me with our kids when him mother calls. To make sure I have money in my pocket for things like a pedicure or to get my hair done. Or to rub my feet after a long day. I wish I had held him to a higher standard when we were dating. I was so busy trying to be his peace. Don’t get me wrong my husband is a good man. He is just not the protector or provider I need him to be. He looks as me as strong and independent. And I am tired of holding my crown together with duck tape. So ladies remember if you are dating understand the patterns that you allow when you are dating is the precedence you set when you are married. So choose wisely.