Feel like cutting off my best friend since becoming pregnant
Need some advice on what to do in this situation. I have a friend, we been friends for 30 years since childhood and I am godmother to her first child. Before I got pregnant she kept telling me all the terrible things about pregnancy, been complaining about motherhood, telling me that I will understand when I get kids. I am about to give birth now and pregnancy been amazing, apart from first trimester I have literally nothing to complain about, it's been wonderful. I am emotionally very settled, have stable marriage and we are really stable financially, so I had no worries in this pregnancy. But she's been weird ever since I got pregnant, been trying to tell me about all the things that go wrong in postpartum and in motherhood but at the same time never asked me how I am feeling, feels like she doesn't want to listen about my experience. I don't judge her at all, everyone has different priorities and different lifestyle but I am starting to feel like we simply have such different lives now. She became mother in her early 20s and I am about to have my first now in my thirties, I don't agree with her priorities when it comes to family life and simply feel like there is nothing to talk about anymore. I made new mum friends with similar experience to me. One things that still keeps me attached to her is my god daughter, she is 7 and she loves me so much and I love her too. Not sure whether to keep this relationship going for the sake of my god daughter or just to stop talking to her. I have issue leaving people if they have done nothing wrong, I admit that it's me, my mindset changed since becoming pregnant.
Read more on PeanutThe views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
It’s fine to grow apart. Motherhood definitely changes you too.
But that doesn’t mean you have to completely cease contact.
If you really want to stay in touch with your goddaughter; maybe you could go to your friend and say something like - ‘hey, you’ve told me how hard it is when the baby is here etc, so I thought maybe I could book in time now with (goddaughter) eg the second Saturday of each month, what do you think?’
This way you’ve committed to your god daughter whilst keeping it amicable with your friend ?
No matter the reason it is okay to take a step back from a relationship.
However every pregnancy and every person is different. She might have had a harder time than you are having and have been waiting for this moment to be there to commiserate with you/actually have someone to finally really share with.
I am the first of my small circle to have kids so don’t have any close mom friends and really wish I had someone to talk to about the lack of sleep and how dumb my husband was postpartum. Like for real lack of sleep for him is like a traumatic brain injury and by lack of sleep I mean six hours uninterrupted. And there’s not really anyone irl I feel I can share with without ruining his relationship with my family. Which I don’t want to do. Our baby was 11 months old before he slept for five hours straight consistently. I was to the point of sleep deprivation where I was hallucinating several times.
Omg , these are the kind of husbands I *love* to talk about 😅 you are not alone. If it’s any consolation, mine didn’t really step up to sleepless nights until my oldest was 4 and he took over night time duties when they were unwell! 💜
Maybe if she always has something better to do than visiting you, you’re not on her priority list and you don’t have necessarily “cutting her off”, maybe just cut down on communication, if you’re not her priority, she won’t worry too much, this friendship will just fade and die out naturally.
I did something similar with one of my friends (not best friend though), we both are moms and after becoming a mom all she wanted to talk about was her kids. I am a pretty versatile person, I have interests and my person is not limited to just being a mom, I am so much more than that. For a long time I have supported her and then it just got old. I get it that people like talking about their kids, that’s totally ok but that friendship did not work out for me. I did not make any dramatic exit or whatever, I just gradually stopped our communication and it died out.
I had to check that I hadn’t written this post 😅 I’ve been there, almost exact situation. And I decided that enough was enough so after yet another let down, I just slowly stepped out. Didn’t announce anything, didn’t chase, no big bust up. I Just let things go quietly and I’ve never been asked why - which to me, is sign that she was afraid to ask our of guilt. It’s ok for friendships to fizzle out as you grow older and your priorities change, we can’t expect to be the same people we were in school! And for the first time in years, I knew where I stood, no stress, no drama…
Your mindset will completely change again once you have your baby. You can distance yourself, but give her grace too and see how you go once bubs has arrived
Like many ladies mentioned above, motherhood changes you. I have been the friend listening to my friend talk about her experience but I really didn’t understand no matter how hard I tried when listening to her talk about it because I hadn’t birthed my two lovely babies yet.
As others above stated, I wouldn’t cut her off. Though it’s perfectly normal for a friendship to morph or fade, ending a friendship or leaving it on a negative note is not healthy.
Just revisit this idea when your baby is like 2 months old. If you still feel the same way you should really tell her. Pregnancy and postpartum is so hard, but also so fun. Just enjoy that dont pay her any mind. But yea if shes still really dragging you down after the baby is here and you have your body and mind back without all the pregnancy stuff going on than its time to let her go. I just know my perspective changed so much from before pregnancy to during to after and a 30 year friendship is a big thing. However i also watched my mom cut off her bestfriend of 30 years like that because of how much they grew apart too.
Download the Peanut App
