Grief for What Could’ve Been
My c-section is scheduled in 2 days from now with my frank breech. I knew she had been in this position since around week 30/31. My medical team was hopeful she would flip until week 36, where I then had a failed ECV. My city does have a team that specializes in breech vaginal births, but I knew I wouldn’t most likely qualify for it due to a plethora of factors (FTM, multi-lobed placenta, type of breech), nor did I want to risk any possible injuries to baby girl.
It has now been 2.5 weeks of coming to terms with what is to happen/what I’ve lost. I had always dreamed of having a natural birth and relishing in the golden hour with my baby; soothing her first cries and just having a moment where all is right in the world. I know that birth doesn’t always go to plan, and I was prepared for alternatives to my “vision” (I’m a dreamer, not delusional) but I honestly didn’t even consider this would be a possibility.
Did any other mamas out there go through the same grieving process? All of the moms I know IRL who had a c-section picked it as their first choice or didn’t have this long to process/over think it. While I appreciate the time I have to research the surgery and recovery process more, I am sad that I know I won’t get to do immediate skin to skin with my baby right away (unfortunately the OR is considered too cold and they will keep baby in a warming bed while I am stitched up).
We all know that a healthy baby and heathy mama are the top priorities with childbirth, but I can’t help but feel bitter about my soon to be birth experience and post natal recovery. Just looking if anyone else wants to commiserate or has gone through the same grief I am learning to accept.
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Oooooooh girl. My story is basically the same. My son was breech. I opted out of the ECV because it felt like it would be just as much intervention as the surgery and less was more at that point. Im still grieving 2.5 yrs later. Unsure if I’ll actually have another one at this point I feel very robbed of my opportunity to earn my motherhood and embrace my true power as a woman. I know all that isn’t necessary to be worthy etc but it does feel like a right of passage was stolen. I wish you the best. A healthy and happy baby and mama really are all that matter at the end of the day. Even though that doesn’t make it better, I know. Best wishes to you and your family.
I have the exact same story as you, same timelines for when he turned breech, failed ecv etc. My little boy is 8 months old and it’s still something I grieve now, especially when I’ve known and seen so many other women in my life having their babies and having the birth I hoped for around the same time. The first few days were the hardest but it definitely has gotten easier as times gone on, as I’m honestly just so grateful and blessed to have him here healthy and safely. We would still like a second baby down the line so I’m holding out hope that maybe next time I will get the experience I was hoping for. You’re definitely not alone in your feelings and I found the same that anyone who I talked to about their sections loved them and would do it again. Wishing you a safe delivery and hoping you can find peace once you have your baby here in your arms ❤️
My first was an emergency c-section. At least you know what to expect with her birth.
I was induced at 38 weeks and ended up needing an emergency C-section, I was in labour for around 20 hours, had my water broken at 4cm (worst experience ever), then at 7cm dilated when the resident felt baby girls arm up to her elbow and I was taken to the OR very quickly. Within 5 minutes she had flipped transverse so the docs had a hard time getting her out.
It took 15 minutes for the NICU people to get her breathing on her own, if anything is seriously wrong they will leave the room so don’t freak out if it takes some time.
Anyways I was about a week postpartum when I grieved the birth experience I wanted to have, and the trauma of emergency surgery.
I got the horrible news at my 6 week appointment that I’ll never have a VBAC, the muscle tissue of my uterus was very thick and notably hard for the surgeon to cut through and likely why she flipped sideways. So now I’m processing the grief of what will never be.
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