DV and SA
My partner, well ex partner and father to our 5 children, was recently arrested for rape, strangulation, threats to life, all towards myself. My daughter confided in her aunt (dads sister) and she reported and had him arrested. I had to do a mini statement to confirm. He was then held on remand. He pled not guilty and so we will all need to go to trail, which starts January. His family have been making us feel bad, well worse than I already feel, to the point I have now asked that they stay away from the kids, at least until after the trail. So now they have followed my oldest 2 on Instagram and sending random Facebook messages, like they are saying "were still here" they have asked we do nothing else, statement wise as he is facing a long time. And im so torn, he has been my normal for so long, I feel lost. My kids still want their dad, mainly the 5 and 10 year old, although they dont want him back, they still want to talk to him, baby is 18 mo ths so hasn't really asked for him. And my oldest 2 have been made to feel so guilty. And I know it sounds stupid, but I dont want him to go down for years and years, although I know he should. I haven't even given my full statement yet, but I know when I do, it will be so much worse for him, but in turn worse for the kids. We are having to move and give up my company and friends, schools ect. I just need to hear some opinions or just anything. I dont really know what I want, maybe reassurance, or if you have been there done that, it would be good to hear what you done in this situation.
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I know you can't help it, but you have nothing to feel guilty about!!! It's going to be hard on your children but that isn't your fault. He needs to pay for his actions and his children will eventually understand that. Let your older kids know they don't have anything to feel guilty for, that falls completely on him. He's not going to stop, people like that never do, and if not you, it'll just be someone else. Just be honest and let the law take it from there. I know it's hard but you're protecting yourself and your children.
Also, if his family is making you and your kids feel bad, block them, it's not fair to you or your kids to make you feel guilty over what he did. As someone who grew up in an abusive household and have been raped, please please don't let him off in any way. Personally, if I was in your situation I would completely cut off contact with their dad until they're 18 if possible. At that point, it's their choice, but if you decide to let them talk to him, make sure you are there and hear every word of it.
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