Married single mum

I'm 5 month PP and I'm having PP Rage! I think i had this before having a baby tbh! Im having a meltdown. My husband is useless. Since I found i was pregnant he has done nothing!! He's self employed and tries to make his money through creative projects which is nothing (i rarely get anything and he makes enough to pay his own bills). He wont get a job that has reliable income for us. Im on statutory pay. Luckily I saved before going on mat leave as that is keeping me going. I paid for all the nursery bits. Even to this day im paying for toys, clothes, nappies, wipes. He doesn't go out of his way to help buy anything. He does the bare minimum literally. He's causing me to have PP Depression. He will hold our girl for 20 mins and then pass her back to me, change a few nappies and then hide in the bathroom, the office, go out to network or gym to sauna. Im really not okay at this point and I've had enough. Im tired of saying things. When I ask for things im literally a parrot and have to repeat myself. I asked for a suitcase from our loft a week ago and he still hasn't got it. We travel on Sunday. Im just asking for some support but I really dont have it. We got married last year Sept I just feel like I made a big mistake.

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That sounds super tough. It's hard enough adjusting to life with a new baby when you have support, but without it, it can be really difficult to manage. I have a supportive partner, but even with that, living with a new baby has been a massive strain on our relationship, exposing different expectations and understanding of things. Communication has been improving over the last few weeks but it takes real effort. Do you think there's any hope of working on this with your husband or not?

from every book I read on relationships they say that 1st year of having a baby takes a huge toll on relationships… if couple survives, it usually improves…
With that being said … a lot of men really don’t know how to handle this “new” life… and they put all the responsibilities on women … unfortunately it’s very common… a lot of women have resentments towards their husbands for not equally sharing the work load of parenting…

What is your relationship with MIL like? Can you get her to give him a kick up the butt and reality check?

What gets me I've had 2 breakdowns and man's still said I need to go sauna to emotionally reset. Im getting the baby ready for bed and told him I read on insta that a study shows when the father plays with the baby and is a part of her bedtime routine then she will have a better sleep. Its like he failed to comprehend it and has gone to the sauna. I EBF, this morning I made a nice breakfast for us. Is now 9.10pm he was meant to get a takeaway for us but has gone sauna and will get it on his way back. Like there is just no consideration for me .

Wanted a wife and child, didn’t want to be a father or husband

I had this exact situation. But thought he could stop working and play computer games all day and night, he also became emotionally abusive because tbh he couldn't and wouldn't grow up, it's weird he became more like a 14 year old teenager after I had our baby. We'd been together 8 years and lasted till my daughter was 11 months though I think he'd already walked out twice before that when I was begging him to look after her to let me have two hours sleep. I have 0 regrets, initially it was HARD but not harder than the things he used to not do and say etc.

Totally get it. Motherhood is so tiring without having to deal with this additional bs. I feel like I cry almost every time I try to have a serious conversation with my partner. But we need to remember that apart from the extreme tiredness, there's floods of hormones going through our bodies, so we have to cut ourselves a lot of slack through this period.
(This was meant to be a reply to your previous comment to mine and it makes more sense in context, but for some reason the reply button wasn't there.)

in our community

Is it bad of me to think this or no?

My husband has been abroad for work (1 day and exploring for 1 day) for 2 and a half days which means I’ve had both kids (1 year and 4 year old) for 2 and a half days plus cooking, cleaning, taking them to clubs, bedtimes!
He came home late afternoon and said I’m so tired, I just need to chill. I said can you wash up whilst I sort kids dinner out, he said he’ll do it later which means he won’t do it and I’ll end up doing it so I said no do it now please otherwise I’ll end up doing it and he said well you have been home and I’ve been away so you’ve just been relaxing.
Don’t know what planet he is on but having the kids alone for 2.5 days is not relaxing. I was stressed!

When he was away, I did miss him and wanted him to come back but now he’s back, I want him to go away again😂
Is that bad?

Really bothered by this

A friend posted this and it really bothers me because that is exactly how she parents her kid, and it's rather unfortunate because when our kids hang out together, her kid has a meltdown at least 5x within an hour. We have know them for years and it's only gotten worse. My kids will concede to hers, because they don't want to see their friend crying, but it sucks because they give up so much of their toys and enjoyment to keep the peace. We aren't hanging out as much anymore but it's rather sad to think she doesn't intervene more in her child tantrums and just let's it slide

Is this normal

Let’s say you’re at a softplay with your 2 year old, and some friends & their toddlers.
You buy your 2 year old a kids meal - chicken nuggets, beans, and chips. They’re very happy with it and have almost eaten it all.
They’re sat at the table, fork in hand, consistently eating, and have one chicken nugget left.
Your adult friend comes over from behind you, picks up the last chicken nugget, and eats it.
There was no indication that your child wasn’t going to eat it, and they didn’t ask. They just took it with no warning and ate it right in front of you and your toddler.
How you reacting?

Are these men ok?

I get so sad seeing all the posts on here daily about women dealing with partners who are treating them horribly. I know it seems over represented because those of us with great partners don’t need to write posts asking for help, but I really hope most of us don’t have these kinds of men in our lives!

I tell my husband about these posts I see sometimes and he’s even shocked by some of the things these guys say/do.

Nobody’s perfect, and every relationship takes work. And becoming parents is a stress test unlike any other for sure, but seeing how many women get stuck in these relationships with men who aren’t interested in being better is so so sad😞

But is/was your partner helpful, loving, and supportive during your pregnancy/PP/etc? Was he a wonderful person but changed for the worst after becoming a parent? Has he put effort into becoming the partner you need him to be, even if he struggles?

Pouches

I’m not one of those mums who stand in the kitchen making every meal from scratch and batches of healthy snacks as I simply do not have time with other children and soon back to a full time job, but I do try give my weaning baby part of what we eat at meal times and will throw something healthy together if what we eat isn’t suitable. However, I do have some pouches in for convenience or a last resort. I’ve only used these a few times in the space of two months but she absolutely LOVES them. She will scream for more, get excited when she sees the pouch and will literally eat the whole thing. She’s underweight so this is massive for me seeing her eat so well, but the guilt is getting to me a bit! Anybody else like a little pouch every now and then and can make me feel a little better about giving her them😅

8 month old cry alllll the time?

I keep thinking I’m doing something wrong..

My baby has always been a crier, car seat, pram seat, nappy changes, outfit changes, nap times etc.. first 6 months we put it down to reflux, I had a lot of advice from HV/ GP as I was really struggling.

He’s improved with his reflux but I think now we are in a constant state of teething.. (he has 6 teeth now) or am I just making an excuse for his constant crying?

I can’t go on pram walks, I can’t go on drives, I have to constantly hold him/ entertain him for him to stop crying. I feel like there can’t be something up with him because the moment I hold him or entertain him he’s so happy and giggles/ babbles!

I’m just wondering if anyone is going through something similar?