Ectopic pregnancy
In the end of February I found out I was pregnant with my 3rd baby. I knew something wasn't right and went to the doctors, that's how I found out. After a few days I had a the operation to remove the pregnancy and the left tube. I was quite emotional after, although I wasn't trying to get pregnant ( I had an IUD), it still felt like a loss. Had quite a few people close to me try to dismiss my feelings towards the loss. I was 7+ weeks, I asked to have my baby cremated and once I got the ashes I tried to "forget" about what happened. I have 2 beautiful children and I have to be present and happy for them but as my, was supposed to be "due date" is tomorrow I have felt to emotional, so sad, nobody around me understands what I'm feeling. Everyone says it wasn't a baby yet, but for me ot was my baby, although I didnt know the gender or wasn't planning on having another child, it was still my baby and I feel like the choice of having or not was taken from me. I still think about everything that happened, the hospital stay, being put to sleep not knowing if I would wake up and see my family again... It's like I have to pretend it never happened?
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I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I think you’ve done the right thing by asking for the ashes. Unfortunately without looking at whats best for me, I took advice from people in my family who also had ectopics and they encouraged me to treat it as a medical thing not a baby as it was so small. So at the time I was so confused and in a lot of pain, I didn’t ask for the remains which to this day is my biggest regret. The grief of ectopic is quite invisible with very little memories and mementoes. You deserve to grieve your baby and you should. Sadly the world cannot relate, but please stand up for yourself and cope the way you need to cope. You are allowed to honour your baby. Also an ectopic and the surgery is complex medical and emotional trauma which can cause ptsd and challenges for a long time afterwards. You need to look after yourself! Here if you want to talk x
So sorry you've not got such a supportive network around you. It is a real baby and a real loss. Medically they become a baby when you give birth emotionally they become a baby when you imagine holding them in your arms. I'm only 1 month past my operation and I feel like I've grieved something different every day from the trust I have in my own body to the milestones I don't get to have with that child. You have to go through that process. I've recently gone through what would have been the 12 week mark and it's hard thinking about what I'm missing out on at this stage I imagine that's so much worse at the due date. Do something to mark the date, go on a walk, have a spa day whatever self care looks like for you. Alow yourself to be sad.
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