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Intimacy & Relationships

My husband hates me

Just like the title says! We have a 10 month old and he’s a great dad. Hes super helpful with her and gives me time to myself if I need it and I’m openly grateful for that. However, our marriage is suffering otherwise.

I don’t think he’s had a nice thing to say about me in years, but he’s become very insulting since the baby. He also tries to embarrass me a lot. I try on a weekly basis to sit and talk about things but the conversation is mostly just me trying to explain what I think isn’t working/how I feel and him rubbing his eyes and checking the time asking if we’re gunna be done soon. This usually turns into a fight, since you can imagine how frustrating it is for me, and him just denying that he’s unhappy and saying “ok I’m sorry I won’t do it again can we just move on.” Proceeds to do the thing again the next day. I really never get much out of him when we talk. He’s completely uninterested in conversation unless it’s him wanting to complain about something. I would say 75-80% of our interactions are negative and I genuinely don’t feel like it’s because of me. I wake up every morning trying to start on a clean slate.

I have even suggested a few times that since nothing changes, and he refuses counseling, and all he ever does is deny that he has an issue with me even though we both know that the behavior reflects otherwise, that maybe we should look into separating because he clearly can’t stand me. There is 0 emotional response to this, and he just repeatedly denies that there’s an issue.

I don’t really understand the denying. Because how can you say “there’s no issue, I love and care about you and I don’t want to separate” but then insult me multiple times a day after being asked to stop, he’s very controlling about money even though we are very stable, and everything in the world is my fault in his eyes. I mean literally just in the last 12 hours here are some things that he has said:
- “you can’t sit in this chair there’s no way” in front of my entire family (I’m not even that overweight)
-“You were trying to make a spectacle out of feeding the baby that’s why you didn’t get a chance to eat, you wanted everyone to watch you taking care of her” because I said I was hungry at 10pm since I didn’t really eat lunch or dinner.
-“why are you always trying to make things convenient are you lazy?”
-“why are you faking an accent” (I speak two languages, I literally just accidentally said “oh” the way it is said in my second language) again, in front of everyone
-“seriously? enough, let’s go” after I tripped and almost fell
_”if I showed anybody how often you order food they would think it’s disgusting” but I order food a few times a week because when we go grocery shopping he doesn’t let me pick anything that I like to eat….. like the entire cart is food he wants and he’ll say it’s too expensive and we can’t get anything else.


Like this man genuinely hates me