Difficulty socializing at Christmas
I went to my sons dads family for Christmas and this isn’t the first time but every time I feel so awkward. Like his mom always invites their entire family over and it’s just huge bustling of people. Who I never have talked to in my life nor will I see them until next Christmas. So idk I kinda get wrongly upset towards my bf because he goes off with them while I’m sitting on my own or struggling to find someone I can conversate with.
And I guess his mom seemed to notice this, and she’s obviously more out going than I am inviting tons of people over for Christmas. But yeah she had her friend over and I saw them looking at me and she said to her friend “oh look at her she’s sitting alone.”
And that made me feel I guess hurt in a way, I was overstimulated at that time and ready to leave but my bf was still going around talking about the Christmas cookie competition they were having. Idk maybe I should’ve went around with him but I just was really tense from the days events and I could barely keep my thoughts straight. I just wasn’t comfortable around a large group of people.
And then his sister was also on my case, she’s a teenager and probably on everyone’s but she would act like she was ok with me when we talked but then say things like “oh she looks like an adult but then acts like a child” to her friend. Which is probably accurate of me, I’m not the reliable type of adult, I’m forgetful and I lose track of my son’s stuff easily.
Then her and her mom dislike how I take care of my daughter and son. Everytime I go over there I get blamed for something or they go off and whisper about what I did wrong with them.. like wtf and then my bf just never gets any shade. So I kinda get upset at my bf afterwards since he wanted to spend the night there. I tell him I’m uncomfortable there the entire time and he just leaves me alone so I could be ridiculed for sitting by myself. Mind you I’m not the only one who sits by themselves but it’s a big thing when I do to.
For some reason his mom hates seeing people not talking together at her functions, and she always urges her husband to go talk to someone if he’s sitting by himself. I hope she doesn’t see it as a slight that I’m sittting on my own and that’s basically like saying I’m not enjoying myself. When I’m just an introverted type person I don’t talk to many people. So I tell my bf I’d rather not go anymore because it’s too many people, he doesn’t drag me along with him if he’s doing something, and I can’t handle all the overstimulation.
Also at the end of the night everyone was downstairs watching a movie, I chose to stay upstairs on my own because I probably wasn’t good company to be around since I was sad/upset from how I felt at the party. And I felt like they were talking about it again how I was the only one who didn’t come downstairs. It’s not my house! Like they may be my bf’s parents and family but I’m not gonna be comfortable in a house that’s not mine and people I barely know! So I guess they thought I should’ve came down stairs to watch the movie with them where they were all just sitting there talking about the movie, great more talking about something idk and another opportunity for me to look like I don’t know.
Then my bf never came upstairs to even try to invite me or say hey you should come watch this movie with us so that’s also why I stayed up there. Idk I was just done..
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If it’s like this every year why do you still go? I could see him wanting to socialize with his family if he only sees them once a year, and I could see him wanting to have his children and you be apart of his family.
His mother is giving bully, the normal thing to do if you see someone sat alone is go cha to them! Especially if it’s your event! Thus sounds like my worst nightmare I’m sorry, try talking to your boyfriend about it.
I go because he wants me to go and I think it won’t be so bad..then I get proved wrong everytime. Is it weird I just think his family doesn’t like me? I get those vibes… and it’s difficult because they help when taking care of my son. But then sometimes they won’t speak to me directly at these events or will interact with my son but won’t talk to me. Why are “in laws” so complicated…
I did talk to him when everyone left and he just said I had to make myself be comfortable. He also compared going over to my moms to his moms which is not the same deal. My mom lives alone and doesn’t have much family she interacts with. So ofc it’s easy to talk with her….and perhaps that’s why I’m so uncomfortable I grew up with little to no extended family, my mom left her family behind in another state and never visited them again. Same with my dad so I ended up only having them as family. I do envy my bf because he has this big family while I’m mostly alone.
I am very much like you when it comes to crowds and gatherings like this. I can manage maybe 1-2 hours before my battery is exhausted. Im also super forgetful and would lose myself if possible. Doesn’t make me or you unreliable.
All this being said your partner needs to do a better job at protecting you. Your sister in law is a child and shouldn’t be speaking to you about parenting anyway.
Could you talk to your bf again about how they make you feel? Its not worth being around people who make you feel like this.
That’s so frustrating!
If you’re looking to problem solve, I’d start with asking him who would be a good person for you to pal around with. You could also suggest spending more time (not a lot but enough to feel comfortable) with the in-laws. He also needs to tell his family to stop talking trash about your parenting.
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