Tension with husband (40.6 weeks)
Hi everyone, I’ve been having an argument with my husband for the past 4 days and I’m at my wits’ end.
My parents are currently staying at ours (for the past 4 days) to help when the baby is born. My husband is a germaphobe and I normally just comply to whichever demands he has (e.g. disinfecting my phone when we get home, washing my face, cleaning my nose with nose spray, wearing a mask in public*, etc) to keep him at peace. The day after my parents got here, my dad got a mild cold and my husband has been putting a lot of pressure on me to force him to medicate, drink tea, quarantine, etc. I have been gently managing my parents while my husband is acting cold with them and avoiding all of us. For the past 2 days, my husband has been bringing up that my parents should go to a hotel to prevent spreading it to us - even though my dad seems to be getting better, my mom is not showing any signs and I’m not having any signs of labour. I have told him I will not ask them to leave unless they’re really sick and we’re about to come back home with a newborn. He hasn’t taken the refusal well and is escalating the conversation saying I am jeopardising our unborn child’s health.
At this point I am furious he’s creating this toxic atmosphere when he’s supposed to be helping me relax and feel loved to create the necessary oxytocin to go into labour (for context, prior to my parents arriving I was feeling some signs of labour but it’s all stopped now).
I would really appreciate if you could give me your points of view and advice as I’m quite frustrated and I can’t think of any solutions. Thank you 🙏🏼🙏🏼
*some of these requests are only during my pregnancy and being winter.
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A mild flu for an adult could be severe for a newborn and could be dangerous. I agree with your husband tbh. I would not be comfortable bringing a newborn to a house where someone had the flu. Maybe a mild cold? Even then i wouldn’t like it. But any kind of flu? Absolutely not.
Is he ok? Like all the stuff you listed, it’s a lot.
Hey hun. Personally I'd do as the husband said and request your parents stay in a hotel, mostly because he's so paranoid about germs and I think everything your parents do if they are ill will stress him out. He cannot reason with the germs especially as bubba is on the way. But ultimately. What is going to put you at peace, pleasing your husband or pleasing your parents? You are housing your baby at the moment so it's important that you are ok, safe and comfortable. ... On a side note.. my Nan's health is very fragile at the moment and my uncle was told to not visit this Christmas as he has a bug and we didn't want to risk anyone else getting sick. Do what feels comfortable for you but someone has to give as 4 days...is alot x
I think your husband sounds like….a lot. I hope you’re not gonna send your child to daycare cuz your husband is going to love all the germs and illnesses they bring home constantly lol he desperately needs to seek therapy and loosen up before you have a child in the home or he’s going to make things difficult for everyone. Sorry to say, but forcing you to wear a mask in public? Making you disinfect your phone when you get home? If he wants to do these things, fine, but insisting others do as well is taking it too far. He’s being unreasonable with your parents and making this vulnerable time of your life when he should be supporting you difficult rather than easier. I would be completely honest with him, let him know how you are feeling.
I definitely think he should go to therapy if possible. Kids are gross. Kids do gross things ALL the time. How is he going to cope when a small child is unable to meet all of his demands.
This is coming from somebody who has pretty severe OCD and had to work through a lot of germaphobe tendencies. It absolutely is something he can work through, but it does take a lot of time and patience.
Living with parents is stressful enough tbh, so I do have sympathy for your hubby as its not nice to feel like you cant relax in your own home
HOWEVER, babies are Germ factories! What happens when LO has a blow out, poop is everywhere & he's got to deal with it?
Definitely think he should be in therapy & working on his phobia before baby comes cause having a newborn does put a strain on a marriage, let alone this ontop of things.
My husband & I have been together for 13.5 years, our communication is solid and have a brilliant foundation BUT we've never argued so much in all our lives for the first 3 months of our child's life 😂 (We did have a very unsettled baby for first 5 weeks)
Not saying its like this for everyone, but just to set expectations, exhaustion is a fierce beast so you want to manage anything that might add to that stress
Maybe ask parents to move out until baby is actually born, & in the meantime get some therapy for hubby so he can learn coping mechanisms & understand his triggers.
Honestly, if they have been in your house for 4 days already. You all have been exposed. So I don’t see the need for them to go to a hotel. I also agree with the other comments about him seeking help/therapy. Once baby starts teething, anything and everything goes in their mouth, including anything they find on the floor. They will get sick (from putting everything on their mouths) and you will get sick. They don’t know how to cover their mouths when coughing or sneezing.
I agree with all of the different opinions on the comments, kids are messy indeed , but let’s think about the unborn that is about to be born, you need to have a certain level of care when it comes to viruses etc. if you can avoid baby be exposed to that you should, bc as someone said it can be nothing for an adult but for a new baby is dangerous !
Also I just want to say that if you’re breastfeeding or pumping even, baby will get a certain level of protection from your breast milk. You’ll share antibodies that way and it’s amazing. My husband and I BOTH had covid when my daughter was born and I was so scared she’d get it but she never did. And then when my son was born a little under 2 years later they had actually started giving an rsv shot at the hospital. Not like a vaccination, but rather a shot of antibodies to help the newborn in case they did get a flu or cold. Idk if all hospitals do that though, but mine def gave us the option.
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