Why can't I just leave him.
It's been 2.5 years since Dday and things haven't really improved, in fact I feel they are worse.
He basically lives in two worlds...one here with me and our kids, the other in his country where his buisness is...I believe this lifestyle is what allowed him to cheat and get away with it for so long.
We have been together since I was 17yrs old and he was 19 yrs old...he has always been the bread winner, because that's the way he wanted it...mostly because he wanted me to be with him when he was home and not out working and because he wanted me to be home with the kids...which i was very thankful for and I was an amazing mom and wife. I ran the home , cooked, cleaned, did the activities with the kids etc...and when he came home he was the center of my world. YET for as long as I could remember he was always angry...I ignored this and tried harder hoping that he would get better...years passed the kids grew up and I finally decided when my middle daughter was 17 to go to nursing school...as I literally was stuck in a home in a state where I had no family nd like maybe 1or 2 friends...Before I even enrolled i asked him if we would be able to survive. He ensured me that we would be fine...shortly after my mom passed away, he wasn't there, then his father passed away and I was there for him. Then I enrolled in school and 3 months later covid hit. Then in 2020 I found out I was pregnant with our 3rd child, in which he was angry about, I ended up giving birth via emergency c-section alone (he was in his country). Then 2 months or so after birth, my older daughter, my son and myself ended up with covid...I had to carry for a newborn and 2 grown kids and myself while I felt like I was dying. Shortly after that, i learned my older daughter was doing drugs and he hlamed me for it, because I should have known...Fast foward schools are finally opening back up and I needed someone to care for my younger daughter who was 6 months at this time...but he refused daycare so we packed up and moved back to Texas so I could finish school...which he was very upset about...Fast foward again. He is still coming home but he voices his resentment and his anger increases. Then in 2023 I find out about the affairs. He makes promises to do what it takes, said he would do therapy etc...NOTHING. I did get his password to his phone but thats about it
Which leads us to now 2.5 years out and I do not feel we have moved forward, he wants me to be respectful and submissive but how???
He says I have become bitter, disrespectful and lazy! I am none of tjose things...I am just tired! I do not see a point. I am still in nursing school and raising a 4 year old, he is here part time. He gets mas if I don't clean or do thing on his terms...he helps and does a lot around the house but complains about it the entire time
..tells me that he should not have to lift a finger because he makes the money and supports me and the family for the last 28 years...and that I should respect him. In his country he has someone to cooked and clean for him...I get upset and bring up the affairs because while I was at home raising kids for the last 27 years he was out having affairs and living his best life...the time and memories he gave to them was stolen from me. I am notvsure what I am looking for here...maybe to vent , maybe to be told if I am in the wrong. I am just so angry about everything. The affairs have opened my eyes to so much that I turned a blind eye to...and to add yo it, this man has put his hands on me many times. He promised me a wedding yet we never had one. He has not been present for important events in my life....yes he has taken care of me financially but that doesn't excuse his behavior. He alway seems angry and tells me this isn't the life he wanted but that he is doing it and that should be respected .
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I really hear you. What you’ve written doesn’t sound like bitterness to me it sounds like years of emotional exhaustion, grief and carrying far more than your share. When betrayal sits on top of a lifetime of holding the home, the kids & the emotional load…it changes how you see everything. Being provided for financially doesn’t cancel out absence, anger, control or the hurt caused by affairs that were hidden while you were keeping life together. You’ve been expected to stay respectful and submissive while nothing meaningful has changed on his side. That isn’t healing or rebuilding trust, it’s surviving. Anger can be a sign that your boundaries have been crossed for too long, not that you’ve done something wrong. I’m really sorry you’ve had to carry so much, especially without consistent support or accountability from the person who caused the harm. You don’t sound lazy or disrespectful, you sound tired and worn down.
Oh my gosh, that was so hard to deal with abusive emotionally and physically partner that thinks everything is funny when you're in pain and you're trying to carry a baby inside of you and trying to stay with your partner because you feel that you love them and you're trying for the child safety and try to have one household but eventually they just blame everything on you and I had to get out of it so now I'm a single mom and I deliver my baby next month and I don't even know how I'm gonna do it being alone
Everything about his attitude towards you are all signs of "cheating"
His anger, his judgements towards you, hitting you etc.
Don't get comfortable accepting this way of life, you deserve a healthy relationship with someone else who will be loyal and 100% support you. And appreciate you.
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