Bd drama
I’m posting incognito due to this still being in court for a custody battle
So background
I got pregnant very quickly with my son and my bd (who I found out was cheating on me for my entire relationship) flaked out
For almost 3 years contact was basically 0 or just him trying to manipulate me, I had to move cities 3 times due to BD showing up at my house and banging on the door till i called the police. This last move (just before court started) has been undiscovered so far by him (he knows I’ve moved but not found me yet)
Late 2025 he filed a custody case due to me stopping him seeing our son due to signs of neglect (son came home with nappy rash EVERY VISIT from nappy’s that i started our son is ALLERGIC to)
We are nearly 1/2 a year into this case now and are trying to create a parenting plan through cafcass (I think this is only uk based) but he keeps being insistent on 3 things that I’m hoping the courts will see my side on
1. That he is to know my kids school, have their contact etc which would put me at risk for harassment again
2. That his wife is to have contact with my son despite the fact that she was A.The person he cheated with. B. She threatened me while I was 6 months pregnant with my son and said that If I or “that kid” are to come near BD she would make me wish i hadn’t
3. That his family (who has always disputed paternity) are to be allowed to look after him as well (they are the type of people who hit kids when they are “bad”)
I’m sorry for the rant but I just needed this out my system
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If he’s named on the birth certificate he will likely be allowed to know the school (as legally this should have been agreed between parents before an application was made) and receive updates on progress etc from them, but he won’t have a right to any address or contact details for yourself (but obviously mention this in court and to school to ensure they don’t give him any personal info), unfortunately unless dads wife is an evidenced risk to your child you won’t be able to control that long term, but obviously dad would need to build a relationship with child himself first (if court deem him safe to see child at all obviously), you can obviously raise whatever concerns you have about dad, his wife and his family but it unfortunately doesn’t mean court will restrict contact with them if they don’t feel there’s an actual risk of harm to little one 🙁
Im ngl your case seems pretty weak more emotional factors over real danger. Thats why theyre not taking it too seriously
If he isnt on the birth certificate then i would just ignore court and tell them ur raising ur child alone and they can go check on cheating men instead. Id ignore any engagement with them at all he has no legal rights but thats all i have to say really. For peanuts !!
If he has PR (and can ask for this to be granted during the hearing) then he is entitled to know the school as it regards education of his child. He is entitled to allow anyone he finds responsible to be allowed around child - even for childcare reasons so his wife would be allowed unless extreme safeguarding concerns towards the child only (cheating is not classed as that). Child has rights to know their family - again he can use family for childcare during his time (reasonable punishment is granted when it comes to hitting/smacking as long as no mark left after so long as it’s parental choice unfortunately) so the court will likely grant these
In order for the judge to side with you on all 3 of these things, you’re going to have significant proof. It’s unlikely the judge will side with you on not knowing what school he goes to. I understand it is putting you at risk, but as a parent, he does have a right to be informed regarding school. You shouldn’t have to disclose your address, but make sure you tell the judge you’re in fear of your life if he finds out where you live. I would also contact the school to make sure they do not give out that info. You won’t get a say in his wife being around the child. Unfortunately, him cheating on you with her isn’t a good enough reason for the courts BUT if you have the message of her threatening you, they may agree to it. Also, as far as his family goes same thing, you will need proof they are abusive. Good luck mama!
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