Stepmother Syndrome…Just Me?
I’m definitely feeling stepmother syndrome and I feel hella guilty about it. I call my step daughter and step son my kids-in-laws. Some days I just honestly dislike being a stepmom. I feel like a babysitter for my fiancé’s kids. I feel like an outsider. He’s told me he will always place his kids over me so I hope that was nothing to do with it? Being a stepmom isn’t easy and he will never understand that. When you get with a guy that has kids, it’s like you automatically have to accept them as your own or you get looked at crazy by him and his family. Yes, I chose to be with a guy with kids and maybe I didn’t fully understand what I was getting my self into. I don’t feel the same love for my kids-in-law as I do for our child and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried doing activities to help bond with them and everything. I would NEVER do anything to hurt them or harm them. I just can’t find the love I have for my child for them. When they are here, I tend to distance myself from them. Their mom is in the picture and I’m always happy when they go with her. I feel so bad. I am not trying to replace their mom at all. I’m just trying to find a way so that I don’t have a dislike to being a stepmom.
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Just like mom guilt, there’s step mom guilt. My couples counselor says “nurturing is an act.” You don’t need to have that biological love you experience internally for your bio kids with your step kids, but if you’re able to treat them the same and love through your actions, do it and they will grow up to be so grateful. 💖 From a stepmom with a stepmom💖
I see this as more of a problem between you and your fiance tbh. I don’t think it’s fair when a woman without prior children gets stepkids and is expected to take on the work caring for those kids but doesn’t get any benefit from their man. He should be appreciating you. He should be taking you out to eat and booking you a massage. He should be telling the kids (and family) how much he loves and appreciates you and pointing out all the good things you do for them. He should be fostering those relationships and helping them grow. But it sounds like he is placing them “above” you which is weird to me bc it’s not a competition. Y’all are supposed to be a family and he’s supposed to be the man of the house. He needs to step up his game if he wants you to be happy in the relationship.
You love your children in a very natural easy way and that’s biology and hormones and the fact you carried them inside of you. I have a niece who I adore and I see my stepdaughter in a similar sort of way to her. I looked after my niece a lot when she was younger, for my brother but there was never any expectation on me to take a parenting role, my niece and I to this day have a fun and carefree relationship. I apply the same thinking to my stepdaughter. She’s more of a niece figure to me then a daughter and I think we both appreciate that because she has a mum and I don’t want to be that, nor do I think she wants that from me.
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