Rant, vent or advice I don’t know. Bit of a long one
I have been in my relationship for nearly 12 years. We have two beautiful children. My first is 4 yrs old my second is 4 months old. Anyway before i fell pregnant with my second I told my partner things need to change
Due to a mental breakdown at work I was taken off my contract and put in a zero hour contract so I could work when I felt I was able to. Child care is a joke my MIL always find excuses on why she can’t baby sit and when I say they are ridiculous I mean the excuses are just ridiculous. My son used to go to school literally 30 walk from her home. I was at work I don’t drive I asked if she could collect him she said yes but then an hour before pic up she said I had to leave work to collect my son to drop him off at here then go back to work because her ‘boobs’ hurt. I’d get excuses like that a lot. Anyway because if this my hours at work drastically dropped. My partner would get on me about money issues I would say I genuinely can’t help it I can’t go to work if I have no one to watch our son. There have been a few times I have taken my son to work with me but it is honestly not the best environment for him since I’m a support worker for those with mental health.
His mother would call me a part time parent that I can’t expect others to raise my child. I would literally work one or two days a week. She would tell the rest of the family she constantly has my son that she’s the one raising him. Yet he’s always home with me. My partner expects the home to be spotless 24/7 and I remind him we have a baby and a toddler there is no way the place is going to be spotless. I have had friends over and they have said my home is clean and tidy but if my partner is home he would say to them ‘sorry the place is trashed she hasn’t done much cleaning she should be embarrassed’ then he’s constantly talking about sex how I’m not giving it up as much as he wants it. He does F all for his kids. He doesn’t bath them, change them, put them to bed, clean their teeth, feed them, clean up for them. He literally financially supports them and only wants to know the kids when they are in bright amazing moods. The second their in a bad mood it’s ’go deal with your kid their pissing me off’ and this will be within about 10 mins of him being home. I have thought about leaving him numerous times but I genuinely can not afford it, that is what’s stopping me. He has said before if I leave him he is taking fully custody of the kids. And my response was well who would look after them since you work 5/6 days a week sometimes not getting home till 2am. You do t change their bums you can’t deal with their emotions. He said he doesn’t want me to do what every typical mother does and stops him from seeing his kids. I have mentioned I would never do that unless he physically hurt them. My partner has a foul temper always saying sort your kid out before I knock him out. I know he says this in frustration but there’s always that feeling ya know. And I had PND. But yeah he expects me to be happy 100% of the time. Not to have any opinions or talk back because it causes an argument. That I need to give him sex when ever he wants it. Keep the home spotless 24/7, cook for everyone, keep the kids is good moods 24/7, to bring more money in.
Oh and when he’s in a mood I get called every name under the sun, he will slam doors and tell me to get out of his face.
Things have not changed since having my second baby. I told him I would need more hands in help even if it’s to help change the nappy. Which he refuses
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Mine is very similar in all of what you wrote. He wants to emotionally verbally and mentally abuse you and have no filter around not just one but both children. You know what I said to mine. I told him to go f his mom because that is the level that they push us to. Hurt my feelings okay, but no not these children. I live with my mom now.
I am so sorry you’re going through this your significant other and his mother sound extremely toxic, negative, and overall not helpful 😣 I can relate on not getting any help with the children from the grandparents or your partner! 😞 the only thing I can suggest is to keep working, even though it is hard you don’t wanna be pushed into a place where you are guilted into staying home with the children for years then by the time they’re old enough for you to get back to work you don’t have the experience needed to make the income necessary to care for them on your own if needed. Not only is it frustrating relying on somebody else it creates a power imbalance and honestly, it’s awful! It’s honestly my biggest regret at the moment I wish I would’ve pushed to work. I understand being parents of two very young babies can be stressful, you need to come together the only issue is both people need to be willing. It’s obvious you’re doing everything you can and you just don’t have the support🥺
I’m sorry for everything you’re going through if you ever need to talk just hmu❤️❤️❤️🥺
That sounds like a literal hell. Im so sorry. Can you reach out to a social worker or resource worker to see what options you can get for housing and government funded childcare? In from canada but i do know the states does have programs for when leaving abusive relationships
Have you documented any of the abuse ?i would try to do that before even considering leaving seeing as hes already threatened to take full custody. While u have PND, he could try to use that against u. I would also try to have ur doctor document as soon as ur back to feeling good
Sadly our mental health can be used against us. U are literally doing too much, he can’t expect u to work, take care of kids, him, the house and ur mental health. U need help
Could ur dad get involved to help u guys move out once you’ve documented enough
I’m sorry your going through this mama
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