Help! Boyfriend Lied About Family
Guys, my head is spinning.
I met a man three years ago on a dating app. We talked for a few months, met in person, and really connected well. Not too fast, not too strong. We moved slow. His energy was top tier. He had good boundaries for himself and respected mine.
I wish I could tell all the details, but it's just not enough space and time.
Long story short, he said that his mother (he grew up with two moms as bio mom died young and sister took him in) was from a particular country and raised him in that culture. That wasn't true. He lied about who his siblings were. He lied about certain experiences in his childhood. He just lied about a lot.
I actually am partially sympathetic because I know some truths (bio mom died when he was a baby) and I understand that could leave someone searching for identity elsewhere. But he told a lot of little lies. He ended up moving in with me and my kids about a year ago (he rents out my extra room and pays me monthly for it) and has been helping emotionally and financially.
I think this is the end, though guys. He knows that my ex was a sociopath that lied to me a LOT and he just turned around and did the same thing.
I have a hard time letting go of relationships as I have so much (probably too much) compassion towards others. But I think he crossed a line. He kept telling me this woman was his sister and helped raise him and she wasn't. She was a friend that he met as an adult. He told me about how his mother would receive shipments of food from this particular country every year. It was a lie. He became familiar with that particular country and culture as an adult when he moved in with this "uncle" as an adult. I don't even know who this "uncle" is or how he met him, but it isn't his actual uncle. I don't even think there is a connection to his actual family. I'm so confused. I confronted him yesterday about it and I can barely look at him. He knows he messed up and seems remorseful, but I just can't tolerate dishonesty. 😟 I'm really sad guys. He has been really good and loving and attentive and patient and supportive, but I think I gotta let this one go.
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He was the one who came clean, but I had already started questioning things. Certain "facts" just didn't connect or add up. I would question it, and would be evasive or try to explain. He eventually told me a few days ago that he was fearful of getting hurt by me in the beginning, so he made things up. He said he wasn't ready to tell me everything. I started researching his whole family (you know we know how to be PI's when it's time)....and I basically put everything together. There are still missing pieces to the puzzle. He isn't dangerous (I checked criminal records thoroughly 😅) but he still lied.
I'm so sorry you're facing this situation. You should give him an ultimatum: tell him the truth or you'll break up with him for good. If he loves you enough He owes you the truth. Otherwise, I'm sorry, but this man isn't honest and you don't deserve her. I sincerely hope you make the right choice.
If he’s already lying about things he shouldn’t, he will continue to do so. Some people just enjoy lying and it’s part of who they are. They don’t realise the damage it does to the other person or people around them. For me in a relationship, lying is just not acceptable. I’m a reasonable person so I don’t need to be lied to.
It’s completely your choice what you do moving forward but I wouldn’t give this man the time of day. If he can lie about the little stuff he can lie about big stuff & things he shouldn’t be lying about x
My ex was like this.... I was very naive and only after a few years started to realize that everything that left his mouth was absolute BS!!! I tried really hard to break up with him but every time I did I would get a manipulative text from him or his 'family' about how suicidal he was. I ended up catching him out in a very embarrassing lie and relationship became untenable after that.... Never looked back. People like this are highly manipulative... Be very careful
He is good enough of a person that I would give him the time of day to tell me his truth. I would even consider a friendship with him moving forward. I know a lot of the lies come from insecurities.
I feel like I've been through enough in my life and am too old to work this out. I am already considering living the rest of my life single and this is just another life experience validating that outcome for me.
I wouldn't say he is manipulative per se. My ex? My ex was absolutely 100% manipulative and it took me years to escape-I had to escape-that relationship. This man is not. Dishonest? Yes Insecure? Probably Manipulative? Ehh....a person is only as manipulative as you let them be. I learned that the hard way for sure!!
Red flags... run... you are setting the foundation of what you will and will not tolerate. Let's raise our standard bar ladies and stop taking men's bull$#!+
Its the dating apps men in my opinion. They all liars. My bd is a deadbeat father, hasn't told his family anything and is STILL very much active on dating apps lying to a lot of different women. They are unhealed, they need ego boosts and a LOT of them if not all are just in it for sex. Im sorry that happened to you. I would cut him off hes going to continue lying.
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