BD chooses when and how long he’s going to see her despite it being set

I personally wouldn’t allow him to be in and out of her life like that.
I’d take the risk of going to court and not worry if he gets her every weekend just because he may take her to see his mum, if she’s going to be a good grandparent then that’s all that matters not past issues. Going off his inconsistency in seeing his daughter he most likely won’t try and go to court and I’m unsure where you are from he’d need to set up mediation first. I know where I am court wouldn’t even rule every weekend at her age(that’s going off what my lawyer said) and you can’t go to court without mediation first

I wouldn’t allow him to be in and out of her life. When she’s older and starts asking questions I’d be honest “mommy and daddy split up when I was pregnant with you, daddy’s family was mean to mommy and when you were born daddy stopped coming around for some reason, but it’s important you know how loved you are, and that if in the future when you’re a little older, if your dad reaches out and wants to know you we can work that out together when the time comes”

I wouldn’t totally separate her from him her whole life because that could make her resent you, and could cause him and his family to kick up a storm and try and turn her against you, think about when she gets a phone lol. I’d be honest, if when she’s older she wants to see for herself that’s her journey and your responsibility to support her through but when she’s little it’s important you protect her development and an absent inconsistent father is absolutely something you should keep her from.

F

Tbh, based on your comments it seems like you’ve done everything you could at this point. I’d chance him taking me to court too. Just make sure you have proof of the abuse he has caused. The only thing that concerns me is if you don’t have any proof, then the judge is going off of he said, she said.

I personally believe if it’s in your child’s best interest to not be around him then take him to court for full custody. My dad wasn’t around and it made it so confusing for me growing up. I couldn’t imagine my dad having specific days set to come see me and he couldn’t be bothered to do so. Her wondering where he is and why he isn’t showing up is worse than you “keeping her from him” in my opinion. She’ll understand why when she grows up.

Unfortunately it’s a case you can’t make him be a parent - even if there’s a cao in place he can still pick and choose if he has the contact. Do you have genuine safeguarding concerns for his mum? Just because you can not dictate who he has his child around and courts will say the same thing unless there’s solid evidence of actual harm to the child. If you’re overly concerned apply to court for a cao but other than that I’d leave it be how it is