What should I do?? Am I just overreacting?
My husband's father is visiting. He spends most of the day in his room, and my two little girls spend a lot of time with him in his room. I don't feel comfortable with them being in his room.
I told my husband to tell his dad he can spend time with the girls in the living room or their playroom instead. I don't feel comfortable with my girls being in that room with him. My husband didn’t grow up with his dad so how could I trust him with my daughters? Keep in mind they never had girls only two boys and my husband was given away to a family member when he was only 6 months old. So they only raised one boy. If that. Anyway, I don’t understand why he (my husband) would be mad about it.
Every time an argument involves his family, he gets mad. It’s me against him and his family. It's not like I'm accusing his dad of anything. I'm just saying I don't like them being in there with him. It seems like he's more worried about his dad feeling offended than his daughters' safety.
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
This is extremely weird. Wanting to be alone with children is weird.
Burst in every 20 mins and check they don't need anything, the door must be left open at all times. it's your home your children are in there.
What are they doing, playing games? Watching TV?
You are not overreacting if the girls are young and can't report or recognize abuse, I think you should find a way of just keeping them away from his room to avoid any future regrets
I didn’t even need to read more than the first few lines . You don’t feel comfortable that is what’s important. Better safe than sorry . It’s on him if he wants to take things personally. Tell your kids No bedroom . Go in there and just take them out repeating out loud no bedroom. If he says anything to you , “They’re not allowed in here , play outside “ You don’t have to give reason and if you’re husband says anything ,a very non apologetic “because it makes me uncomfortable , they can play where I can see them. I don’t know him very well and that’s what’s happening “ Even if it’s totally innocent and everything is fine, any normal person would be completely understanding and respect that .
When it comes to the safety and welfare of your children, who cares if anyone gets mad. You rather be safe than sorry! Men don’t always understand that you are not being overreacting, you are teaching your girls how to be cautious around anyone.
Is the door open or closed??? If it’s closed then yeah that’s weird :/
Tell this to a therapist, ideally go with your husband - especially the sentence "I feel like my husband's dad's feelings take precedence over our daughters safety, and I feel really hurt and scared by that." Therapists are (in many places) mandated reporters of any suspected abuse. Maybe hearing it from a neutral third party will wake your husband up. Why are they even in there? Is your husband at home but you're not or something?
Your girls safety is very important. If your not comfortable with your little girls being in a room with your husbands father then boom they can’t be in there or as another lady said in the comments the door needs to be open and check on them as many times as you need to. If you explain to them or not why you’re uncomfortable and whether they understand or not is no one’s problem but their own. If anything they should be up playing, and out of the room so you can see, and hear them and not in a room all day… if he don’t understand then i feel the husbands father shouldn’t even come visit anymore. It’s your home, what you say goes. Lay down some rules please.
It doesn't even need to be about trust. Instruct your girls that living areas are for socializing and bedrooms are for taking your own space. Closed doors are for privacy, not for playing. A closed door is requesting privacy from you, which is absurd since you are their mother who is in charge of supervising them.
If grandpa doesn't want to be out in the main living area or leave the door open, let him enjoy his privacy alone. I mean, does he have mobility issues or something that makes it hard to get out of bed? I go through this with my older step kids sometimes and it's like, keep the door open or come out to play. Honestly I'd prefer the kids not be around someone who is ignoring them to watch phone videos, too. It's just bad manners/modeling.
Very strange behaviour, not sure why he would want to visit and then just be in his room the whole time
I would definitely tell him he can hang out with them in the play area or in the living space and just say that’s a boundary we have with everyone. Even with kids if they are playing in rooms doors are always open but I know some people who don’t even let kids in the rooms. If it’s a problem with your husband and yiu can’t enforce that than just sit in the room with them and have a time limit. I will probably have to do the same thing with some of my in-laws who like to pull my kids away. So weird to me. Also I think I will say hey we as a family all hang out together when people come over we don’t do one on one in rooms alone.
Don't make it about him. Just make a general rule for while he is there. Don't play in the bedrooms when we have guests works, or don't play in grandpas room would work too. We do the bedrooms are for sleeping rule at my house.
Not overreacting at all ! Please see it through !
Download the Peanut App
