Feeling very guilty
Hi Mums! I stuck with some horrible guilt and my partner is making it worse. I recently got a payout due to something very sensitive and personal, my plan was to always put some money aside for my little one, get a car and go on holiday. It's not actually a lot of money at all but enough to go to Spain or something this year for my little ones first holiday. I've been planning it and my partner turned around and said maybe his 2 other older kids could come? Baring in mind he can't afford to chip in at all and I don't have enough money to pay for everyone as I'll also be taking my Mum as she's never been abroad. I explained that I don't have enough money to pay for everyone (around 5k if his 2 kids come)... He now keeps sulking around saying he feels bad and it's not fair our little one is going and they're not. Baring in mind me and him always went on holidays alone every year without his kids and he's never taken them abroad himself, they go away with their Mum and their Step Dad every year.
Now we're at a point where he couldn't really care less about planning our little ones first holiday and he keeps saying we need to book a UK holiday for school summer holidays for them then (not sure where we'll get the money but I said I'll be happy to book a camping trip at a seaside but it just seems not good enough)
I now feel sooo guilty. I knew from the get go that he has children but it's only now that we have our little I'd noticed we're not able to do any of our "first things" alone with our little unless his 2 kids are involved.
Any advice?
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Oof this is a very difficult situation, bless you. I can sympathise as I too struggle to do anything with just us and not his older children.. I mean they live with us so it’s hard but I’d love to have more time just me and him. And I’d love a holiday just us 3!
I’d say just go with what feels right to you. If he can’t accept that you can’t afford to pay for the other children despite the fact that they’re his children so he should pay for them really, maybe just take your mum and baby away!! As someone who no longer has her mum 💔 you may not get the chance again!
You’re absolutely entitled to wanting to experience something as your little family plus your mum, so no need to feel guilty. There will be plenty of opportunities to do things as a family, but not a lot of opportunities for firsts with your little one.
Don’t be guilt tripped! Book the holiday! Even if he doesn’t come. If he wants his other children there he should be contributing towards the holiday.
Do not feel guilty at all. You’re able to do this for you, your little one, your mum and partner. Funded by you. If he would like his two other children to come a long then he needs to find a way to finance that. If this was a 50/50 paying situation, then things would be completely different. Go with that you originally planned.
Absolutely do not feel guilty, you’re allowed to have first memories with your child! Book the holiday and go with your mum and tell him he can come if he wants but you’ll be going anyway. I have an SS, and two of our own and sometimes we take them sometimes we don’t, she has holidays with her mum aswell so don’t see the issue. You’re allowed to enjoy the mixtures if blending, the same way her mum goes away without her sometimes as she can when we have her.
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