Roles between a sthm and a working partner?

I started wondering if our arrangement makes any sense. When I was pregnant I saw a cute video of a couple where they sleep seperately, the mom takes care of the baby during the night, the husband wakes up early in the morning takes over so the woman sleeps a bit before he gets to work I suggest this arrangement to my husband and we both liked it. Since I gave birth to my 22 month old boy, we are sleeping separately, I’m taking care of everything. My toddler still wakes up during the night every two hours on average. I wake up in the morning to make his breakfast and drive him to the train station and pick him up later in the day. I clean and cook and take care of my boy, with no appreciation or thank you. If I say I’m tired it turns he’d say what are you doing all day or he’d remind me of how he’s paying for everything. I am emotionally and physically exhausted and I don’t feel this is how a team should work.

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It’s not honey my husband and I sleep together with are son he works and I stay at home today my son woke up right around the time he’s supposed to go to work so he took him while I get to sleep in and then I woke up he kissed me and then left every day after work he comes home and grabs his son I don’t have to ask him and when I do ask him he grabs him whether he is playing the game or not he knows my job of taking care of are son is a job as well honey if your husband knows how much babysitting cost and house cleaning and a chef I don’t think he could pay for it each month it’s way to much my husband would never tell me the bullshit your husband just told you I am so sorry and your right that is not ok you need to talk to him again just because he works and you’re gonna stay at home. Mama does not mean that he can just come home and do nothing and expect you to do everything mind you my husband does hard labor which is flooring my husband could come home tired and still grab his son

You are right—it is not how a team should work. If I was in your situation and he would not hear me out, I would look into getting a job to possibly leave if things don’t get better

Look up the nanny, private chef, house manager, and family assistant rates in your area. Add them together, (remember to factor in night rates and overtime as well) and start billing him. Then remind him that you are saving the household more money than he is bringing in so really if the only factor in his eyes is money, this is a great way to show him he needs to contribute more.

that’s not teamwork. you’re doing EVERYTHING so he can focus on ONE thing. remember that. also I would suggest trying after your kiddo falls asleep you roll out of bed and go back to yours (floor bed) I realized way too late that the reason my kid was waking so many times at night was actually because we were on the same bed. once she was able to sleep undisturbed by any movement or whatever by me she started sleeping through the night about 60% of the time. I roll away and get me time or couple time and if she does wake in the middle of the night then i’ll go in and sleep the rest of the night with my kid. took it from 2-3 night wakings to none or one and I desperately needed that quiet time to myself or the couple time for our relationship to get romance back. the way I explained it to my man was being a parent is a 24/7 job you don’t get to clock out of and so I understand he works all day but i’m also working all day and it doesn’t end at 5pm. he’s also a parent 24/7 clocked in

The problem is you can't force people to see insight, but you can control what you put up with and whether or not you choose to stay in this. It'll take some courage but get a clear picture first of what he's willing to do and not do, how he feels, what your expected to do and if you can't communicate these things calmly unfortunately that's your answer. From what you feel said his views are old fashioned and unhealthy. I wish you the best. My inbox is open if you need someone to talk to 💕

He's selfish and ungrateful. He's just like my X

Thats not right. My girly is 7mo and I've been really struggling, like seeing a therapist struggling. My husband helps with things around the house, takes care of her, and always makes sure I feel like the money is ours. Right now I'm sick and dealing with terrible allergies and even though he was tired too he got up and took our girly so I could sleep. He didn't just keep her occupied. He gave her her vitamin, got her changed and dressed, fed her solids, played with her, and had coffee ready for me. When I got downstairs he handed me coffee, told me to sit on the couch, and got me breakfast. Both people need taken care of.

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