Feel like I’m solo parenting
I’m so sick of arguing with my husband over this.
My daughter is 11 weeks old, and my husband works Monday to Friday. I look after her all day every day, and on the weekends and some evenings he goes out cycling. I don’t mind this, he gets extremely ratty and stir crazy if he doesn’t go out, and it drives me mad.
Lately. My daughter’s sleep pattern is all over the place in terms of the second stretch. She tends to go for 6 hours, then has a feed, then either goes for another 4 hours, or starts to fuss at about 5:30 am. (I realise this first stretch is a dream, please believe me I’m not complaining about that.
My husband starts work at 7 am from home, or leaves at 6 am if he’s going into the office.
This means that he comes home, feeds her once while I’m in the shower, while I handle all of the other feeds/ settling her off at night. I rarely go back to sleep after as I’m so wired. He also struggles to sleep once he’s awake, so when she fusses for her night feed, he’s up from around 4 am regardless of feeding her or not.
I see him for around 3 hours a day apart from weekends, and in that time I cook, he does the dishes and cleans the bottles. We then bath/wash LO, he feeds her, then we watch a film or show until her next feed at 9:30 pm.
He has gone up to bed early to try and get more sleep because he feels like he’s exhausted to the point of headaches. (I am too, but it seems like this isn’t as important because I don’t go to work. He acknowledges that it’s hard work looking after her all day, this isn’t the problem). I have stayed downstairs with her, because to me, disturbing a sleeping baby only to put her in a crib for 30 minutes after settling her again, to feed her and then have to restart the process is ridiculous when she’s asleep already.
I feel like I do everything. I feed and settle her every time. When he can’t calm her down within 10 minutes he passes her back despite me having her all day and him not seeing her.
I love my daughter more than anything, and my husband is lovely, I swear. It’s just a really tough time with her sleep, and I’m struggling to cope. I’m so, so tired. And he doesn’t seem to realise this, because he is. We have talked about this so many times, but it just turns into an argument. Please tell me this will pass?
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Sounds like it’s just a really hard season of life. If you have any family or can afford to hire a sitter to come in and just give you small set windows of break. Itll by no means help the exhaustion, thatll come as your little one sleeps better but try and keep them in their sleep space to normalize it and have them not depend on you soothing to sleep or holding while asleep!
Id also tell your husband to cut the bike rides shorter or whatever you can do to get sometime back. Its hard to be selfish but say j need an hour and lock the bathroom door if you have to!
Well he gets out to go cycle. I feel that you should have a little something too. Where you can get out and be kids free. Maybe the gym? Just go swim a little bit? Or run?
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