Feel like I’m solo parenting

I’m so sick of arguing with my husband over this.

My daughter is 11 weeks old, and my husband works Monday to Friday. I look after her all day every day, and on the weekends and some evenings he goes out cycling. I don’t mind this, he gets extremely ratty and stir crazy if he doesn’t go out, and it drives me mad.

Lately. My daughter’s sleep pattern is all over the place in terms of the second stretch. She tends to go for 6 hours, then has a feed, then either goes for another 4 hours, or starts to fuss at about 5:30 am. (I realise this first stretch is a dream, please believe me I’m not complaining about that.

My husband starts work at 7 am from home, or leaves at 6 am if he’s going into the office.

This means that he comes home, feeds her once while I’m in the shower, while I handle all of the other feeds/ settling her off at night. I rarely go back to sleep after as I’m so wired. He also struggles to sleep once he’s awake, so when she fusses for her night feed, he’s up from around 4 am regardless of feeding her or not.

I see him for around 3 hours a day apart from weekends, and in that time I cook, he does the dishes and cleans the bottles. We then bath/wash LO, he feeds her, then we watch a film or show until her next feed at 9:30 pm.

He has gone up to bed early to try and get more sleep because he feels like he’s exhausted to the point of headaches. (I am too, but it seems like this isn’t as important because I don’t go to work. He acknowledges that it’s hard work looking after her all day, this isn’t the problem). I have stayed downstairs with her, because to me, disturbing a sleeping baby only to put her in a crib for 30 minutes after settling her again, to feed her and then have to restart the process is ridiculous when she’s asleep already.

I feel like I do everything. I feed and settle her every time. When he can’t calm her down within 10 minutes he passes her back despite me having her all day and him not seeing her.

I love my daughter more than anything, and my husband is lovely, I swear. It’s just a really tough time with her sleep, and I’m struggling to cope. I’m so, so tired. And he doesn’t seem to realise this, because he is. We have talked about this so many times, but it just turns into an argument. Please tell me this will pass?

Read more on Peanut

The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.

Learn more about our guidelines.

Add a comment

Sounds like it’s just a really hard season of life. If you have any family or can afford to hire a sitter to come in and just give you small set windows of break. Itll by no means help the exhaustion, thatll come as your little one sleeps better but try and keep them in their sleep space to normalize it and have them not depend on you soothing to sleep or holding while asleep!
Id also tell your husband to cut the bike rides shorter or whatever you can do to get sometime back. Its hard to be selfish but say j need an hour and lock the bathroom door if you have to!

Well he gets out to go cycle. I feel that you should have a little something too. Where you can get out and be kids free. Maybe the gym? Just go swim a little bit? Or run?

I feel like if your baby can sleep for 6 or 4 hours. Try to keep her up more in the day. Don’t let her sleep so much, Ik it’s hard but has they get older it’ll change so better to her get used to it now. At 3 months she can longer wake windows. Baby’s know and if you daughter is constantly waking up the same time at night I feel like maybe have 2-3 bottles ready in a bottle warmer and it’ll keep warm. I found co sleeping easier or having the convertible crib right next to my bed, the ones that open from one side. That way you can have your bed but have the baby on her bed but next to you. Unfortunately this is how some men are , it’s use women that stay with the kids even married. I would also say be harder on him. Yes he’s is making money but he would still be working even if he didn’t have a kid. Be harder on him tell him you need your time on weekends too and he has to learn to parent as well. Currently dealing with this too, it can be frustrating. LOL try randomly leaving without

in our community

When did you circumcise your baby?
If you DID NOT or DO NOT have a circumcised son DO NOT comment this post is not for you!

Did you wait a certain amount of time or have it done immediately?
Again respectfully, this is only for the parents who choose to do so.
opinions about how not necessary it is will not be appropriate for this post. Thank you in advance. 🩵

Can someone pls help i keep making this post and nobody is responding

My boyfriend booked a trip for us to go to mexico for a week as my push present. I have severe anxiety leaving my 7 month old with my mom. I know she will be in good hands but she’s exclusively breast fed for the most part but accepts bottles just fine. i have all my pumping parts packed and will pump when baby normally eats but i don’t want baby to forget me or have latch issues when i return!! any mommas ever experience this?

Postpartum

I’m only 3 days postpartum (FTM) and already have extremely bad anxiety. I’m crying every night, as I think of another night of no sleep. My baby will not settle in his cot, he cries every moment we put him down unless in his chair rocker. So me and my partner are having to alternate after 3/4 hours of being awake with him downstairs. I’m trying everything to get him to settle. It’s a load of overwhelming stress. I’m 23, I was desperate for a baby and now I have one and feel completely useless. I miss it just being me and my partner.

When does it get better?

I was crying on the phone with the perinatal mental health team today and the lovely lady, bless her, kept assuring me that it gets better. I kept telling her I hope so because people have been saying that since having my LO and it just feels like it keeps getting worse. She assured me it gets better....

Crawling

Did anyone’s little one start crawling yet? I feel like we are falling behind but really have no idea. I’m trying to introduce more floor time but it’s been rough because of having hardwood floors and our 80 lb oblivious to life dog. I got us a carpet for the living room and trying to put the dog out more when the weather allows. She sits like a pro and will roll to get the things she needs😅 but no real signs of crawling yet.

Guilt

Does anyone else feel guilty for every little thing they do? I feel like I need to be entertaining my little one at all times. If I have to put her in the activity center to finish a task, instant guilt. In the car for too long, instant guilt. Replying to work emails instead of interacting with her, instant guilt. I know independent play is good for her but my brain thinks otherwise. Please tell me it gets better, I’d love to shower for more than 10 minutes without it feeling like the world is going to collapse.