Crazy MIL??
I’ve always found my mother in law tricky - she has a hideous nervous energy about her and finds everything absolutely hilarious which sets me right on edge. We’ve just had a baby and she came down to meet her. It was very soon after baby was born so we were pretty knackered and I’d suffered bad hypertension in hospital and had had to stay in for a week. She had wanted to come and see me there but I managed to get my husband to say no- she would have not made my blood pressure any better!
So she came to see the baby a couple of weeks after with her partner- who btw had a chest and they didn’t tell us.
My MIL was at her most hyper and difficult. She stayed hours and hours and held the baby all the way though- fed her her bottle (just took it off my husband) without asking and took photos and posted them without asking.
Then I was changing the babies nappy. Baby had terrible nappy rash at the time and was screaming with pain - making me want to cry. My MIL just sat there watching - hooting with laughter. 🫠
But the worst thing is she made these WEIRD comments - there was a photo of baby just wearing a vest and she said she “looked a hussy.” Then later when we were describing about the baby having phototherapy- which was horribly traumatic- my husband said how he tucked her into his denim jacket to keep warm - his mothers response was “ah so she likes a bit of rough???”
I think in her mind she was being really funny but I was appalled by her comments. In the end I made and excuse, went upstairs to have a shower and then sat there until they left. I used to feel fed up and weary at the thought of her but now I feel pure anger. It’s tricky as obviously she’s my husbands mum. She also gave us the deposit for our house and is generally generous in that way. She and my husband have a really odd relationship in my opinion- I’m super close to my fam and they all live nearby so we see them a lot
His mum lives in Devon and we’re in Kent which is something to be thankful for.
After they finally went she messaged my husband and asked to come and stay for a week. Thankfully he has the sense to say no. But Christ what is wrong with the women? Those comments have made me feel so hostile towards her. Should I just get over it??
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Nope. Don’t get over it. If you get over it, you excuse it. Meaning she will have room to make you feel uncomfortable again. Just try to avoid at all possible. Obviously you don’t want to disrespect the relationship between your husband and his mother. But if someone makes YOU uncomfortable and has potential to make YOUR child uncomfortable, you do not have to try and accommodate them. Always keep the peace (for your sanity) but don’t “let it go” in the sense of allowing her to have room for more comments.
God. I wouldn’t have coped with this!! This is such odd and strange behaviour. I’d make your husband speak to her about the inappropriateness of the comments and that you don’t want to hear them moving forwards… but yeah, definitely set time limits or excuse yourself. Just say you and baby need a nap etc. I would’ve been upset by her behaviour. Especially just taking baby for the entire time without checking in.
I would have felt exactly the same, honestly. You’ve just been through a lot physically and emotionally, and having someone come into your space like that taking over, not asking, and making those kinds of comments, is really overwhelming.
The photo posting without permission wouldn’t sit right with me either, and laughing while your baby is clearly in pain is not okay at all. And the comments… even if she thinks she’s joking, they’re completely inappropriate, especially about a baby.
I don’t think you’re overreacting. It sounds like your boundaries were crossed in several ways. If it were me, I’d probably have a calm but clear conversation with her about a few things like asking before feeding or posting photos, and that certain jokes/comments aren’t acceptable.
You can acknowledge she means well and is excited, but still be firm about what feels okay and what doesn’t. You’re not wrong for feeling angry it makes sense given everything you described.
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