Need advice UK FTM

I’ve been a nervous driver ever since I had two car crashes. I also get nervous driving somewhere new and worry about what if I can’t park anywhere. Now I have a baby (4 months old), I want to be able to take her out in the car just myself and her but I’m so nervous about all the things I’ve just spoken about.. also it’s even more stress because I have to pack stuff (buggy, bag, milk) etc. is anyone the same as me? How did you get over this? It’s making me feel crappy

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Get yourself refresher lessons with a driving instructor to build your confidence. Hopefully you shouldn’t need more than 5. Invest in yourself now so you can work out what it is that’s making you so anxious and your instructor can also assess if your panic is causing you to make silly mistakes/correct them.

Take some refresher lessons!

I’m the same with a 6 month old, and we don’t really go anywhere unless with my husband. As above I actually did take some lessons, and my instructor suggested we practice in my car which is super helpful and I plan to do a few times with a baby as well to hopefully get over my anxiety

I don't have advice about the driving aspect unfortunately.

I can recommend a baby mirror so you can see them while you're driving and they're rear facing... you can buy them from Amazon for less than £10.

Also for the bag the biggest advice I can give you is:

Ensure you have it packed once then do not unpack it fully each time. When you return to the house remove the stuff you have used and restock when you come back so the only thing you then need to add before you go out again is the milk and possibly a dody. It's a game changer as it then doesn't feel like too big a task. Xx

All the above are great suggestions but for when you do get back behind the wheel. Plan a place not too far from your home that you have been to many time, and you know the parking situation and a stress free place as any. For example a park or nature reserve etc. Then build up slowly from there x

Definitely take some refresher classes if you can, it will give you that small confidence boost.
At first plan to go places you’re comfortable with or drive to these places with someone else first so then you know the area. I also like to check on Google maps where I could potentially park if I have to go somewhere new.
I also try and pack everything the night before if I know we’re going out the next day. Have a little list of things that you need to add to the bag the day off so you know you won’t forget.
Basically do as much prep work as you can.

Maybe do a dry run without ur baby so u know where ur going if there is parking etc. that can help alleviate some of those stressors. Second pre packing ur diaper bag and driving lessons.

in our community

Crazy MIL??

I’ve always found my mother in law tricky - she has a hideous nervous energy about her and finds everything absolutely hilarious which sets me right on edge. We’ve just had a baby and she came down to meet her. It was very soon after baby was born so we were pretty knackered and I’d suffered bad hypertension in hospital and had had to stay in for a week. She had wanted to come and see me there but I managed to get my husband to say no- she would have not made my blood pressure any better!
So she came to see the baby a couple of weeks after with her partner- who btw had a chest and they didn’t tell us.
My MIL was at her most hyper and difficult. She stayed hours and hours and held the baby all the way though- fed her her bottle (just took it off my husband) without asking and took photos and posted them without asking.
Then I was changing the babies nappy. Baby had terrible nappy rash at the time and was screaming with pain - making me want to cry. My MIL just sat there watching - hooting with laughter. 🫠
But the worst thing is she made these WEIRD comments - there was a photo of baby just wearing a vest and she said she “looked a hussy.” Then later when we were describing about the baby having phototherapy- which was horribly traumatic- my husband said how he tucked her into his denim jacket to keep warm - his mothers response was “ah so she likes a bit of rough???”
I think in her mind she was being really funny but I was appalled by her comments. In the end I made and excuse, went upstairs to have a shower and then sat there until they left. I used to feel fed up and weary at the thought of her but now I feel pure anger. It’s tricky as obviously she’s my husbands mum. She also gave us the deposit for our house and is generally generous in that way. She and my husband have a really odd relationship in my opinion- I’m super close to my fam and they all live nearby so we see them a lot
His mum lives in Devon and we’re in Kent which is something to be thankful for.
After they finally went she messaged my husband and asked to come and stay for a week. Thankfully he has the sense to say no. But Christ what is wrong with the women? Those comments have made me feel so hostile towards her. Should I just get over it??

Nursery settling in sessions

My little one has just had his second settle session this morning, where I left him for an hour.
He cried for the whole hour I was away and when I collected him he was hysterical an beside himself.
Any tips on how to deal with this as a mum? It upset me so much that I started crying there.

I know it’s normal but it’s so horrible seeing him so upset.
He has another 2 hour session on Thursday x

Sex life postpartum

Hey hey!
Today I am five weeks postpartum. My husband has been counting down the days until I hit the six week mark so we can start our sex life again. Has anyone else been scared to get down and dirty again? Especially after a vaginal delivery. I’m worried that it’s going to hurt or reopen any wounds. And to be honest, I’ve never been a girl with high drive and isn’t something that I am overly excited about.

I have a six week checkup booked at the GP as per my midwife’s suggestion, in which I will organise birth control.

Has anyone else been in the same boat as me? Or am I being selfish by not wanting to have sex anytime soon?

Any advice would be appreciated xx

Nappy recommendations

My little boy has started sleeping for approx 5 hours at night (which I am very grateful for!😴), but when he wakes up for a feed he is often wet through as his nappy can’t hack it for that long. Are there any recommendations for a good overnight nappy that should hopefully contain it?

We are currently using mamia nappies but have also tried pampers and Tesco. I swore by mamia with my daughter, but they must have changed them since then!

Thank you 🩷

Breastfeeding vs family’s opinion

Hi. I’m posting this anonymously incase family are on here. I just need everyone’s advice as I’m really ticked off about the whole situation.

My Nan has always found breastfeeding a “wrong” thing to do. She made it clear from the moment I gave birth 3 months ago and started feeding her in the hospital when she came to visit. I’ve ignored it up till now as if my baby wants feeding I’m going to feed her regardless of how people feel about breastfeeding.

Yesterday I went to see my nan and my baby started getting fussy so tried to settle her then realised she needed feeding and I got a side eye uncomfortable look, she was on and off feeding for about half hour as she either kept drinking too quickly or getting wind causing her to be unsettled then wanted to just stay latched to me to sleep. Because I kept “exposing myself” I had a jumper over my top so no one could see compared to at home or anywhere else I just whip it out and feed her lol so was trying my best to not let her feel uncomfortable in her home but she kept asking if she has a dummy and I said no she won’t take one she prefers me and I’m her dummy as that’s where she gets comfort. I then got hit with “but she has to learn” “your too soft on her, with all your children” (I have 3) “you need to let her cry” she’s 3 months old and I told her “she cries because she’s telling me she needs me I’m not going to ignore her” and I kept getting hit with the fact u go to her every time she cries. She started crying there so I picked her up and fed her again which was 20 minutes later and I got hit with “you’ve only just fed her leave her you can’t see to her everytime” I was getting really annoyed at this point so snapped back and said “she’s hungry I’m not going to let her go hungry, she’s at the age of having a growth spurt so feeds more than normal” and I got told I always moan that I never get a break which yes I’m allowed to. I’m a single mum to 3 young kids so I’m allowed to moan doesn’t mean I want to be away from them and explained how the time to myself is in the evening when everyone’s asleep.

I then started to get ready to leave as the baby was really unsettled, probably because she was picking it up from me so was trying to rock her in my arms and my Nan then said she’ll try. I allowed it knowing full well my baby wanted me and she was going to cry more with my Nan, I done it to prove a point to my Nan. Within a minute she hadn’t settled so I went to take her from my Nan and she moved her out of my arms reach and started kidding her all on her face bear in mind she had told me she’s just gotten over a cold and still had a cough. At this point I was livid so snatched her back and instantly she feel asleep in my arms and I got hit with “I was trying to give you 5 minutes” I told her I don’t need 5 minutes. She then told me “you need to stop breastfeeding and put her on bottles” I told her no and with quite a tone I must admit and she asked why and said it’ll give me a break 🙄 I said well 1 the antibodies in breast milk is amazing and she’s the only one who’s not been ill in the household because she’s breastfed and 2 I don’t want to I’m exclusively breastfeeding as it’s what’s right for me and her and the other 2. She then made the comment off “I bottle fed mine and they turned out fine” I said everyone has a preference and this is mine.

I could feel myself ready to explode with anger defending my parenting so started diverting the conversation but for the near 2 hours I was there it was really uncomfortable and heated.

I just need peoples opinions on what I should do moving forward because I don’t want to not see my Nan as she’s my Nan but I don’t want us to buck heads over it everytime especially when my older 2 are with me at times.

Magicians

How are other moms getting 4-5 hour stretches at night?… I’m lucky if I get 2hrs and that’s when I even cosleep… As soon as it’s 11pm my 5 weeks old thinks it’s morning and will keep her eyes open for hours on end… I thought introducing formula will at least make her sleep since she’ll be full and it won’t digest easily… she’ll take 2 feeds of 4oz and stare me in the face like ‘what you gonna do’?…. I feel so jealous when I see other moms talk about how their babies sleep for 6 hours at night… sounds like magic and I’ll really love to have some of that.

Signed
A tired mom who just wants to sleep at night