Breastfeeding vs family’s opinion

Hi. I’m posting this anonymously incase family are on here. I just need everyone’s advice as I’m really ticked off about the whole situation.

My Nan has always found breastfeeding a “wrong” thing to do. She made it clear from the moment I gave birth 3 months ago and started feeding her in the hospital when she came to visit. I’ve ignored it up till now as if my baby wants feeding I’m going to feed her regardless of how people feel about breastfeeding.

Yesterday I went to see my nan and my baby started getting fussy so tried to settle her then realised she needed feeding and I got a side eye uncomfortable look, she was on and off feeding for about half hour as she either kept drinking too quickly or getting wind causing her to be unsettled then wanted to just stay latched to me to sleep. Because I kept “exposing myself” I had a jumper over my top so no one could see compared to at home or anywhere else I just whip it out and feed her lol so was trying my best to not let her feel uncomfortable in her home but she kept asking if she has a dummy and I said no she won’t take one she prefers me and I’m her dummy as that’s where she gets comfort. I then got hit with “but she has to learn” “your too soft on her, with all your children” (I have 3) “you need to let her cry” she’s 3 months old and I told her “she cries because she’s telling me she needs me I’m not going to ignore her” and I kept getting hit with the fact u go to her every time she cries. She started crying there so I picked her up and fed her again which was 20 minutes later and I got hit with “you’ve only just fed her leave her you can’t see to her everytime” I was getting really annoyed at this point so snapped back and said “she’s hungry I’m not going to let her go hungry, she’s at the age of having a growth spurt so feeds more than normal” and I got told I always moan that I never get a break which yes I’m allowed to. I’m a single mum to 3 young kids so I’m allowed to moan doesn’t mean I want to be away from them and explained how the time to myself is in the evening when everyone’s asleep.

I then started to get ready to leave as the baby was really unsettled, probably because she was picking it up from me so was trying to rock her in my arms and my Nan then said she’ll try. I allowed it knowing full well my baby wanted me and she was going to cry more with my Nan, I done it to prove a point to my Nan. Within a minute she hadn’t settled so I went to take her from my Nan and she moved her out of my arms reach and started kidding her all on her face bear in mind she had told me she’s just gotten over a cold and still had a cough. At this point I was livid so snatched her back and instantly she feel asleep in my arms and I got hit with “I was trying to give you 5 minutes” I told her I don’t need 5 minutes. She then told me “you need to stop breastfeeding and put her on bottles” I told her no and with quite a tone I must admit and she asked why and said it’ll give me a break 🙄 I said well 1 the antibodies in breast milk is amazing and she’s the only one who’s not been ill in the household because she’s breastfed and 2 I don’t want to I’m exclusively breastfeeding as it’s what’s right for me and her and the other 2. She then made the comment off “I bottle fed mine and they turned out fine” I said everyone has a preference and this is mine.

I could feel myself ready to explode with anger defending my parenting so started diverting the conversation but for the near 2 hours I was there it was really uncomfortable and heated.

I just need peoples opinions on what I should do moving forward because I don’t want to not see my Nan as she’s my Nan but I don’t want us to buck heads over it everytime especially when my older 2 are with me at times.

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First of all I most applaud you for defending yourself and your baby too. No one has the right to tell a mother what is best for her children especially when it comes to their nutrition. I think you can have a conversation about this with your Nan outside these breastfeeding moments telling her your stance about breastfeeding and how you will appreciate it if she doesn’t interfere with these moments.
I understand she may have her own reasons for doing that with her own children but thats her story not yours. What’s right for you remains right for you.
If this doesn’t work,then I’d suggest you talk to someone else in the household to also speak to your nan on your behalf too.
This are just peaceful measures.
Once again in proud of how you took your stance.
I’m currently breastfeeding my 2months old and I can relate to these moments when all they want is that contact feed.

I think sometimes people say stuff because of a generational difference. If you've already explained your choices and your nan won't listen best just to ignore her advice. You know what's best for your baby.

Ah I'm sorry, that's so tough! You shouldn't feel discouraged or uncomfortable to breastfeed or to care for your crying baby 😪

Personally I'd tell my nan "I know how you feel about X but I don't want us to get into a debate if I do things differently than what you would have done. I just want us to spend nice quality time together".

Tbh it sounds like something deeper is going on, why does she wants you to stop? It does not r any sense. Maybe because she could not?

Stay strong, you rock!

Honestly, exclusively breastfeeding a baby with 3 children as a single parent sounds like a lot of work. Do whatever is manageable to you. It's not your job to make her feel comfortable. If you've already explained it, then you dont need to explain again.

Oh my goodness 😳 you need to have a firm word with her.
Breastfeeding is the best start in life you can give to your child.
Its so sad shes pushing her (very wrong) views into you.
Stand your ground and dont let anyone tell you how to be a mother.
I'd try plan your next visit with her when baby is asleep and talk with her

Well done on defending yourself. That generation unfortunately were let down with being told how to parent, and they continue to parrot that now. I think you should just continue as you are. If it comes to it, limit the time you spend in their presence. I'm sure you've said to them to keep their opinions to themselves so I'm sorry you have this. My dad really tried to push for me to bottle feed because of how "unsettled" my daughter was. It's ignorance from them based on how they were taught which is stupid as times change but they all think they know better.

Ignore your nan. She is on the generation that had such bad advise. Comforting a baby was a big no, no back then and they were told to leave them or theyd get too attached.

Formula feeding has been pushed as a better alternative then breastmilk for quiet a few generations. Its only relly the last 20 maybe years irs flipped back. My mum breastfed us in the 80s and 90s and she got scowled at my NURSES! Why are you doing that? Just give formula sort of conversations.

Exactly its so good for them! I breastfed for 3.5 years and both me and my daughter were hardly ever ill! I stopped breastfeeding last year and was like wow why am I all sudden getting colds and ill and then realised its since I stopped breastfeeding! Its so beneficial to mother and baby!

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