Love my bf, but lost on what to do
My boyfriend and I will be together for 5 years in may, and have a 2 year old girl together. I currently am unemployed, and stay home with our daughter. (Side note: I'm very grateful for everything he provides for us.)
Since I'm home with her all the time, I make sure that the household chores, and pets (as well as our kid) are taken care of. However, when my bf does get home, he basically just sits on the couch and doom scrolls while I juggle making dinner, and watching our child.
I get really frustrated, because we've talked several times about ways he can help take some of the load off my shoulders, and I have told him each time how he can. He's promised to help with dishes, feeding the animals, or bath time and bed. He never follows through, so I end up doing it all.
He then asks me how he can help AFTER everything is done, sitting down for the evening, and then tells me I should have asked for help if I needed it.
For context, we usually do dinner around 7, and then it's straight to the tub and bed. It's been this way our daughters entire life.
I don't feel like I should have to ask him to do these things, when he can clearly see what needs to be done to end the evening.
I'm almost at my breaking point, and am thinking of finding my own place once I start making money. Any advice is appreciated.
Edit: I also want to mention that I've been the one that has always gotten up with our daughters during the night her entire life. He has done it a handful of times due to him getting irritated when I have woken him up, so I just do it
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Hi, mama. I am so incredibly sorry to hear you’re going through this. Im in a similar situation, except I work and my boyfriend isn’t working at the moment. He stays home with the baby and I work all day. I come home and have to clean and make sure the house is taken care of. He hasn’t worked in two months. I think what so frustrating is men are very capable of doing all of the things that we ask of them, then just choose not to listen. I don’t have any advice, but if you want to chat, im here! Sometimes talking it through with someone helps.
Ugh this sucks! & I understand exactly how you feel. My fiancé wasn’t THIS bad, but I did carry most of the load for a while. But he eventually came to his senses and realized he wasn’t another kid living in our home; he was an equal. So he started doing his share, not “helping,” but doing exactly what he was supposed to be doing.
But anyway, I really hope everything works out for you!
I’m in the same boat. I’ve been with my fiance for almost 3 years and I’m a SAHM to our 18 month old I so take care of her, keep the house semi clean , laundry, cooking, etc and I am so thankful for him. Not only because he’s a hard worker but because he works third shift. But when he gets home from work every morning he gets on the pc and just kinda plays video games while I cook breakfast, tend to our toddler, clean up after breakfast and take care of our 4 cats. He helps when he can but he always gets attitude when I ask for help so I just stopped asking for help.
Really sorry to read this, you deserve so much better. It’s a partnership at the end of the day. My husband and I both work, share house chores and look after the kids. I’m now on maternity leave and honestly my husband comes home from work and looks after the kids to give me a break and helps with all the chores because managing a home with a little one is hard work! Our ethos is we do it together so we all get to relax sooner so maybe suggest that? Team work makes the dream work!
Change your dinner time, cook a little food for yourself and daughter and just wash it up without a trace and watch him ask you what’s for dinner?
You tell him you are so exhausted and could not make dinner
Try for as long as you can until he gets it and start helping
These men need action more than words
He would be working even if he was single. He has no excuse to not help around the house or to not be a parent. My husband gets home from work, takes the kids, cooks, and does his chores- put your foot down and get the support you deserve.
Try making a schedule to better distribute the chores and responsibilities. If he still gives no effort, it’s time to plan that exit and officially be the single parent you already are.
Personally, with how long this has gone on and his total lack of care and respect for you- that’s not a relationship- I don’t know how you don’t have major ICK towards him
I’m sorry to read you are going through this as well as other mommas. You are both the parents not just you and the place you live at is both responsibilities not just yours. You are still doing a full time job the only difference is he gets to clock out and receive a paycheck and what it sounds like rest and tune out while you don’t get to ever clock out or check out. That’s not how things should work and it sounds like you have told him what you need he just chooses not do follow through because he knows he can get away with it. It is both responsibilities at the end of the day. It sounds like you are a single parent might as well live somewhere else and have that peace then feel lonely and frustrated being with a roommate. Sorry to be blunt but you mommas don’t deserve to go through that.
stop caving in and picking up his slack. he needs to see the consequences of what happens when he doesn’t pull through
I would change a few things that force him to help to see how that works but honestly, 5 years? It sounds like he’s showing you exactly who he is and what to expect of him.
Men are blind to it, they need reminded weather you want to or not. If I did not remind my husband the things he said he would do he won’t do it. Just do gentle reminders then things will become a habit over time and you won’t have to ask as much.
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