Someone who freaked out at me over asking to reschedule a coffee date and got blocked from a mom group reached out today apologizing and I'm torn
About a year ago I started going to a mom get together for dinner once a month when I could afford it. I also attended a Christmas party and had a good time with my kids. The group was for children with autism and other disabilities and I had high hopes to make friends. It's so hard to make friends when you have a special needs child. A mom from the group had asked me to take her home after a couple times and it wasn't too far out of my way and I was happy to. We had planned to get coffee but she cancelled twice because of household emergencies which I totally get. I followed up about a week later to try to reschedule because I did really want to get together. She called me names and listed that I was a rude person because she has a disabled child and apparently having fertility struggles which I didn't know. I just left it. I had been looking forward to the next dinner with the group and still had wanted to go and I had enough money to go. I was blocked from the group. As someone who has absolutely no life and nothing to look forward to it hurt very very badly. I had several nights of tears and was sad about it for months. That my only hope of meeting and forming friendships with similar people was taken away. I have not made any friends since because it's hard with a medically fragile disabled child. I have very little in common with parents of able bodied children. My son cannot participate in most activities a normal child enjoys. People are mean when they see kids with differences. Tonight she reached out and apologized saying she was wrong to act that way..
She wants to have coffee on Thursday and I guess I'm going to go but I'm still so hurt but I'm also so lonely and still blocked from the mom group. What should I do?
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So it doesn't hurt to hear her out. But honestly she sounds like a horrible and exhausting person. The fact that you also have a disabled child so you would understand that part. I mean fertility struggles suck, but it doesn't give you the reason to treat someone like crap either.. BUT maybe she really was just feeling so much at once and unfortunately took it out on you. Not that thats ok. But I'm also grossed out you're still blocked from the group. They all seem toxic at that point. Again I would be dying to know her excuses for what she did though. Not that it will make it better.
I think it’s fair to be upfront about the fact that she caused a lot of harm.
It’s easy to say sorry, but nothing she says during that coffee will SHOW that she’s sorry until she undoes the damage she’s done.
Meaning, even if it’s uncomfortable for HER, and even if she doesn’t like the group, she’ll add you back in and correct any misinformation she said about you.
Then you can have the option of being friends with her if you like (chalking it up to a lapse in judgement, mental health issue, etc), and can also be friends with the larger group.
If she’s actually sorry, she’ll do this to fix it. Otherwise, she’s just lonely because she burned the other bridges.
Honestly if she's the mod I would just ignore her. If she's going to let herself be that way towards people she should not be in that position. But I get it. I was so desperate for a friend I stayed friends with someone I shouldn't have. She was the one who ended the friendship because apparently I said something oh so horrible (I posted awhile back about what I said and everyone said I didnt say anything that bad).
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