Am I jealous?
Hi, can someone tell me if I sound like a jealous person or is it normal to feel funny about the following:
Basically, my husband and I are part of a very big friends group in our community. And I made friends with one of the girls there, she is my age too. Now, I know that she is absolutely not my husband's type at all, he never liked nor likes (as he sometimes points out) overweight women and she is quite overweight and I also know that he doesn't like her face probably (just not his type) but she is hilarious and me and her get along very well and have a good laugh often. I invited her many times to eat with us dinner and she also babysits sometimes for our kids. I wouldn't feel anything funny at all if there were not these constant insider jokes with my husband, like they will stare at each other across a big room full of people and pull faces and then both laugh and also pull each others leg all the time. "We should get an award for having the best banter" my husband once said on a friend's evening and it rubbed me the wrong way because literally the whole evening they were just joking with each other and trying to annoy each other and laughed about it. When I asked my husband about this he got extremely annoyed and said that I just don't like it when he has fun and that I wasn't funny this evening so that's why he didn't laugh with me but she was so he did with her. My suspicion that there is some interest on maybe one or even both sides he said straight up that she is ugly and fat as hell so I know that's mean but also I don't know...
Another thing which is similar but also different: there is an elder woman, probably in her mid 50s or so and I always catch my husband and her having some long conversations just the two of them away from the crowd. As we bring our children often she has our son sit on her lap and play with him a lot but she doesn't talk to me that much, she talks to everyone else though and is single and looking for a partner. Once on a fun night she actually engaged in a long conversation with me and told me about her search for a new man and how she admires my relationship and stuff. To my response that our relationship might seem ideal on the outside, but really we have real struggles like everyone else she responded that she still thinks that my husband is "ideal" and she wants somebody exactly like him.
And it just rubbed me wrong and made me think, I don't know.... Again, I don't have a lack of trust to my husband but it just gives me a weird feeling when I experience this, makes me feel like a third wheel or something and I wonder if I am indeed just a jealous type like my husband calls me.
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I’m sorry but many men will claim they don’t like bigger women because it’s not socially acceptable but will fetishise or actually be attracted to them ( I’m not saying this is the case for your husband). That being said jealousy is a normal human reaction I’m sure your husband would be feeling the same if you were having banter with another man and he wasn’t involved
I think it’s a normal reaction to feel jealous when the person that you put all your attention and affection into, shows it to someone else of the same gender. It leads people to “am I not enough? Am I not funny?” But I don’t like that he even knew that and used it against you. Blaming you for his flirting because you’re no fun.
He knows he’s taking his attention away from you as his partner in crime and putting that effort into someone else so much so that it’s noticeable and made you uncomfortable multiple times. Idk about the older lady part, he might be looking for insight and she might have the wrong intentions or heck it’s all harmless, idk there.
I don’t know, but generally when I make new friends I expect that my husband will be friends with them too. I think it’s a green flag that he’s able to be friends with your friends. Personally, when my husband gets along with my friends it feels like I succeeded in finding a good friend. Think about whether you actually feel like your husband is getting feelings for her or if you just feel excluded. I’ve felt excluded before but usually I just increase my participation in the conversations and I feel better.
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