I feel like such a fool

This is my third pregnancy. I've been preparing for this one for months. I was hitting the gym, watching my calories, trying to get my body ready so that THIS time would be different! I would NOT be the same useless lump I've been all my other pregnancies! I was supposed to be FIT and slimmer and eating healthy foods like the doctor says to. Yet here I am. 7 weeks pregnant, zero energy, haven't been to the gym in over a week, unable to eat anything that's not a craving and then overindulging because it's SO HORMONALLY GOOD and of course it isn't green beans and broccoli. My belly is super bloated all the time so I'm already looking pregnant and I've for sure gained some weight. Sigh. I was so ready to be that fit pregnant mom 😭

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Post partum weight gain 😭

I’m really struggling at the minute with accepting my body. I’m 9 months post partum.

Pre pregnancy I was a size 14-16 (I have PCOS and always struggled with my weight but I was feeling ok about myself pre pregnancy) I then lost a lot more weight in my first and second trimester due to HG and was the smallest I’d been in years whilst pregnant which felt amazing actually.

In my third trimester I put the weight back on and then some, as I could eat more food, I’m now a size 20 😭.

I’ve continued to put weight on post birth as I had a huge haemorrhage and post partum pre eclampsia which has taken many many months to recover from. I definitely found comfort in eating after the sickness left, and I was obviously sitting around a lot too with baby and not exercising much.

It’s caught up with me. In all honestly I hate myself, I feel disgusted with myself I can’t even look in the mirror.

I’ve been trying to eat better (hit and miss), I’m hitting the gym consistently, started personal training. I’m so much stronger and feel more toned but the weight won’t really shift. I’m still wearing size 20 jeans and have such huge hips.

I’m actually considering a weight loss jab or something similar, but I’m terrified of side effects which I’ve witnessed in family members like kidney problems, and I can’t afford to have any further health issues. I’ve only just felt better after my major haemorrhage 9 months post partum.

I know this probably isn’t a unique experience, and if it were a friend or family member I’d tell them to be kind and patient with themselves and say this body grew a perfect baby.

But I don’t know what to do anymore, I need change I want to feel myself again.

If anybody has any advice, shared experiences, anything that’s helped, I’d be so so grateful…

- a sad mama 😞 x

First outing with a newborn

When did you leave the house for the first time and what did you do? I understand no crowded places but I don’t want to go crazy being inside 24/7. Can I go sit on a patio at a restaurant with my baby? When did you go to your first indoor restaurant? Or first trip to the grocery store? I feel like I’m being too cautious… or maybe not cautious enough? My baby is healthy, to term and has had no issues. Do I really need to wait 6-8 weeks?

How many weeks are you and how are you?

Answer honestly no judgement here 🥰

Starting nursery.

My 9 month old is starting nursery at the beginning of next month as I go back to work and I am just not ready at all!
My eldest didn’t start until she was 2 so we were both more than ready, but this time round I can’t help but want to cry when thinking about it 😂
I am so grateful to have had what will be 11 months off (10 with her) and luckily only have to work 3 days a week but I still feel so sad lol.
Is anyone else in the same boat?