AITA?l
AITA for feeling like my friend doesn’t really reciprocate our friendship anymore?
For context, we’ve known each other our whole lives. She’s 33 and I’m 30. We were really close growing up, but when I had my second child (who is now 9), we had a falling out because she was still in the partying stage and would invite me out constantly. I had a newborn and kept declining, trying to explain boundaries and responsibilities, and she got upset with me. We ended up not speaking for 4–5 years.
We eventually reconnected. In summer 2024, I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby. I was extremely conflicted because I already had 5 kids, had just had a tummy tuck months before, and there was a lot of stress/drama happening in our lives at the time. I leaned on friends and family for advice because I was struggling emotionally.
After talking with her a lot, I ended up going through with a medical abortion around 9 weeks. I’ve honestly regretted it ever since because it went against my personal morals and I still carry guilt over it.
A few weeks later, she told me she was pregnant herself. She said she didn’t tell me sooner because she “didn’t want to influence my decision,” but looking back, it really hurt considering how strongly she had encouraged me not to keep my pregnancy. I know the decision was ultimately mine, but the whole situation has always sat wrong with me.
Since then, I’ve noticed a pattern that makes me feel like our friendship is one-sided. She spends a lot of time with another friend who also became a mom recently — they do baby hangouts, take photos together, visit each other, etc. Meanwhile, she’s never really made an effort with me or my kids. I got pregnant again before Christmas 2024 and miscarried in early 2025. She said she was sorry, but we still never saw each other.
Then in April 2025, I got pregnant with my rainbow baby, who is now 4 months old ❤️ She congratulated me over Instagram, but still hasn’t come to meet him or made plans to see us. She also has never let me hold her baby either, she even asked me not to touch his foot because they were scared of him getting sick (I wasn’t sick, but she is a FTM and I respected her wishes), I haven’t seen her child since last summer and see her post photos of another friend of hers and their babies together.
What bothers me most is that she only lives about 40 minutes away, and I constantly see her making time for other friends and their babies. Her fiancé is also someone I’ve known for years, and when I ran into him recently, he mentioned their baby’s birthday party this weekend and said they “thought about inviting me” but assumed I was too busy.
I don’t know why, but that really hurt my feelings. I think it’s because it confirmed how I’ve felt for a while now — like I’m only kept around on a surface level, but not truly valued as a close friend anymore.
AITA for feeling hurt by this?
The views expressed in community are solely the opinions of participants, and do not reflect those of Peanut.
Learn more about our guidelines.
No you’re not wrong! I’ve been in this same position too. Eventually I just started matching their energy and doing the same thing. You don’t text me, I don’t text you. No effort on your part? Then no effort on mine
I will only say one thing - behavior is a language. She is speaking very clearly and openly. Her language shows your place in her life (or a lack of such place). Try to move on, I know easier said than done.
Ok first of all, there is nothing wrong with how you feel. It hurts to be the friend whose (for lack of better words) left behind. So the feeling is definitely valid. BUT you may want to think of it like, during that period where you were establishing boundaries with her, maybe she got it, and this is her establishing boundaries with you. I'm sorry that you feel like your friendship isn't the same. But maybe this is an opportunity to make a friend with a bit more compatibity. From what you've stated here, it sounds like you've both outgrown your friendship. And sometimes that just happens.
Babes. She isn't your friend. You are clearly hers but it sounds like she has never really been yours. I am coming to a similar conclusion with a friendship myself. I am greiving the loss of my aunt and my "friend" has been ignoring every attempt for me to talk about it. When her grandmother died I did my best to support her ...it's not the same situation but I understand the feeling. ....
Download the Peanut App
