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Incognito Only! 👻

I’m legit scared.

So I’m currently a little over seven weeks pregnant. I’ve only been seeing this guy for about three months and the romantic connection feel filled out pretty fast and I just don’t feel anything towards him. There’s been a bunch of issues that I brought up to multiple times that I feel like go in one ear and out the other. He had already told all of his family about me being pregnant because he was excited and most of my family already knows. I found out a little after three weeks so I considered an abortion even though I’ve always been against it but I just knew I didn’t wanna have any connection to this man for the next 18 years with a child but now that I am further along and the research I’ve done it just makes me feel more guilty. However I’m torn because again I don’t want to have a baby with this man and raise it and have a baby flip-flop back-and-forth between my family and his but the gender is now known because he was eager to do the blood test and I just feel so much pressure. I felt extremely rushed to having sex and I’m the type of person that shuts down. It doesn’t say no much and he was the first relationship that I’ve been in in a while, especially after something that happened in a few years ago that was pretty traumatic so I feel like I kind of just let everything get in my head and almost kind of went with the flow of giving him what he wanted. I also didn’t think I would get pregnant as I was told I couldn’t get pregnant naturally so I had that in the back of my head that nothing was going to happen anyway anyways but of course with my unfortunate luck it did right away. Again, my mind is all in a mess because I did want a third child when I was raising my kids as a single mom but now like I said that I’m somewhat involved it’s difficult. I’m also pissed off because this man openly admitted that he only went on a dating app the purposely get a woman bring it right away because he wanted a child and claims he wanted a family. Then he had a fit because I didn’t wanna have sex the other night. I also found marks on my child where it looks like. He slapped him when he was watching my children for an hour while I was sick and sleeping. This man has also got weirdly obsessive we don’t live together, but he’ll drive 45 minutes away and hang around my town for hours pretty much stalking me and needed to know what I’m doing who I’m with and where I am. When he visits, he even has to follow and stand by the bathroom door while I pee if I go upstairs to shower, he’s immediately up there walking back-and-forth by the bathroom door. If I go to the kitchen, he has to follow when I go to the bedroom to get my kids to bed. He has to make sure the door is cracked open and he stands there watching. The other day we stopped at my parents house and I just ran inside to grab something and my mother came out to say hi to her grandkids and he gave her the nastiest looked and watched every movie she made she openly admitted to me that she’s never been so uncomfortable and that it was a really awkward interaction. Idk what to do. I feel defeated and hate this situation I have myself in. I’m already 12 weeks and just can’t bring myself to abort at this point. Yes, I posted this story before, but I added to it as things keep happening also, with my first child I had a vaginal birth that did not go well at all so with my second, I ended up having a scheduled and planned C-section. This man got upset with me because I said I’m most likely going to have a C-section. He straight up, looked at me and said we’ll discuss that when it gets closer to time because I don’t agree with it like, who the fuck are you gonna tell me how to burn my child in the safest way for my child (you’d think he’d care to bring his child) and myself?! Then I made a comment about how I was planning to try to breast-feed because his mom was so eager to know every motive with this child& the plans and he briefly said that he can’t wait to try my breast smell , suck on titties which lets face it, some men make comments like that with their partners, but I just found this really uncomfortable. Another thing is he’s almost 30 but his mom kept bugging to come visit my home because she needed to see where her son has been hanging out now how freaking wild is that when he’s a grown ass adult??!! Then they keep pressuring me that at a couple months old the baby needs to go to Disney World and then I could baby wear because there’s plenty of rides of baby can go on like I’m sorry I don’t wanna go states away with three young children.