Lost what to do
Mums of lost babies, mums of more than one child, how do you deal/process that one child unintentionally killed another?
I have a 3 year old son, he’s my light, he’s a big 3, already in 4-5 clothing having only just turn 3, me and his dad are both tall ect ect, I was changing his clothes other week, he was laying feet towards me, now I was 19 week pregnant with his sister, and he kicked me one foot after the other like a go go go, at the moment he did this my husband handed me calpol so in the seconds it took my to drop the calpol grab his feet and move away he’s always kicked me hard strait in the stomach 3/4 times. Later that night I started bleeding, went to the ER and my little girl was gone. I asked the dr is it due to the kicking and you could see he didn’t want to say yes knowing what that meant but he said trauma to the stomach can result in this and she was measuring correctly, meaning she wasn’t already dead and this wasnt a coincidence, sence then I barley go near my son, I’m angry, i want to hug him when he cries but at the same time I so angry, I put him to bed for first time in weeks last night and he was fighting bed acting up and I just shouted at him, his poor face I felt horrible! So I told my husband I need time, I need a night or two to myself away from everyone! And my MIL called me this morning saying it’s been weeks I need to get over this and move on, abandoning one child coz of a “dead one” is not what we do!
I know I don’t blame him I blame myself for sitting like that with him and not protecting my belly knowing he tantrums. I’m just lost, I miss my son but I also miss my daughter
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Im just so sorry, im sitting here crying reading this. I wish i had some words to offer that could help you somehow. I know you love your son more than the world and i know you dont blame him. You should take all the time you need, without any guilt whatsoever. If you ever need to talk, you can message me any time. Gosh i really really wish i had something more helpful to say…im sending prayers and love your way ❤️
I am so sorry this happened to you. I cant imagine how you are feeling, but your feelings are so valid! Loosing a child is the worst type of pain and heart ache in the world, give yourself a break, if thats means space away then do so for your own health, physically and mentally!
My condolences for your loss. There's another group here on Peanut called pregnancy loss, stillbirth, and infant loss. It helped me a bit when I loss my son. You shouldn't be shamed for still mourning your daughter, as if you aren't going through enough as is. Time and maybe therapy or grief counseling. Prayers for healing, love and light mama.
So sorry this has happened. It’s very normal feel this way towards your son,you are right you need time to grieve and process. Time is the only healer. I’m sending love
MIL should understand that 19 weeks is pretty much the half way mark. That's almost half a year growing, loving, nurturing, talking to, planning for and etc. I don't think she gets that you're not abandoning your son. You're just trying your best to work through your feelings. I believe things will ease a bit when YOU stop guilting YOURSELF for what was a terrible accident.
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