How do I tell my partner I don’t like the way my in laws are with our newborn?
Not sure whether I’m in the wrong/ taking things too personally, but our LO is 6 weeks old and I’m really struggling with my in laws’ behaviour. His birth was traumatic, ended in an emergency C section and he is our first child.
I have tried dropping subtle hints to my partner, he says that he’s heard me but then nothing changes. When we arrive at our in laws/ they arrive at ours, they crowd around our baby, whether he is on me or in his seat. I have been in situations where I’m sat feeding him (Breastfeeding) and had 4 adults crowding around leaning over to look at him, the first time being when we’d been home 1 day, his mum climbed onto the bed next to me and started stroking his face!
They constantly touch him, his hands, his head. This is without even considering the fact that they haven’t washed their hands, I wouldn’t allow them to touch his face anyway regardless! They initially touched his face but my partner has told them not to. They like to call our baby “my boy” “my baby”. I just feel really suffocated and overwhelmed by them to the point where I dread seeing them and I can’t wait to get home.
My mum helps out a lot, she comes over everyday while my partner is at work to help me with the house and with the baby, or to bring us a meal, so she understandably spends more time with us and has far more cuddles than his family do. His family have not been over to help once. I’m also EBF so find it so much easier to feed my baby when my mum is over, when we are with the in laws I go into another room. They then don’t leave until the baby is fed, on one occasion they sat downstairs for over an hour waiting for me to bring him down, they’d already been there an hour beforehand and seen him anyway at this point.
I don’t know whether I’m being too overprotective and should probably respect my partners feelings a little more because it can’t be nice for him, I think it hurts him that his family don’t get as many cuddles, but I cannot seem to move past the way their behaviour makes me feel.
I guess I’m either looking to be told I’m being silly, or to be validated! Please and thankyou🤞
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Personally I think you need to speak up WHEN things are actually happening, like when you’re feeding and ppl are crowding or touching (weird AF by the way) say - I’m feeding now so would like a bit of space/privacy please. Why don’t you also get a breastfeeding shawl thing?
Also on the hand washing, just say - can you please wash your hands before touching the baby? And avoid his face? His immune system is still very weak.
Re bringing things up to your partner - you’re just going to have to tell him explicitly I don’t like it when ppl do this (stop being subtle!), it makes me xyz. I need to be a team on this so either advocate for me, or back me up when I say something.
I’d also avoid going there as much tbh. Feign illness for a week or two.
Do we have the same in laws? Lol jk. Mine did this, i had to move my daughter away from them to block her from dirty hands or unwanted kisses. We had to be kinda rude to get them to chill. Called them the paparazzi. Constantly made comments about how they acted like they've never been around a baby before. Id let your husband take the lead with being vocal on the issue. I think in laws push boundaries when babies are born. Our moms and dads already have a sense of our boundaries, but our in-laws dont. Is there a cultural aspect ? Could explain the "our baby" thing.
Definitely speak up and set your boundaries. If they can't understand it's on then and that they're not welcomed around. Your partner needs to back you up on this. You both deserve space.
I feel you. I had my partners grandma snatch my baby whilst I was burping him mid feed when she visited. Then she was surprised when baby started crying. Thankfully my husband is not afraid to be vocal and he called her out for that behaviour. My in laws try to come round all the time, especially when my husband isn't going to be home. Almost like they think I can't handle looking after the baby myself, even though I do it all week when people are at work.
But I think definitely speak with your partner, you are a team and you need them to help set boundaries and expectations
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