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Venting (judge free)

Bf’s mom possibly cut daughter’s hair

I’m upset because his mom possibly cut her hair without my permission. She had been swimming and it got tangled afterwards. And I forgot that’s how her hair ends up and I let her spend the night over there without thinking of how her hair was going to be. So then it’s tangled and I guess they tried to do her hair and they said it was tangled and it needed to be cut. For background my daughter is black and Hispanic. And my bf is not really her dad but he’s just been there since she was young. My daughter’s dad is basically absent, and his family also helps out with her as well.

But I always felt like his family over stepped boundaries. I understand that maybe in their minds if someone is family they can do whatever they want with the person. But I had told her hey don’t cut her hair. I would like to see it first before you cut it to attempt to save it and/or I can take her to the beauty salon to see what they say about it before we get it cut. My hair has been in worse states, and if it were up to the I’d be bald by their logic. As I have an Afro that gets prone to tangling as well and you don’t just go, ok let’s cut it off! I’ll pay good money for detangling and a wash before I’d cut it. Idk if I mentioned it but they’re white. So to them a hair cut is nothing and an everyday thing. They cut their hair and it grows back by tomorrow without them trying.

Hopefully I’m not being racial when I say this, and I’m not trying to be. It’s just a glaring difference between black hair care versus white hair care. And perhaps it appeared to be beyond saving and it was tangled/stuck together because it had already been time to do it and then she went swimming so it made it worse. Idk if his mom really cut it, but that’s what my daughter is saying happened.

So either way I could ask his mom and she could either be telling the truth or not about cutting it. I’m just annoyed because it feels like my opinion/choice didn’t matter. Like I had said no I didn’t want it cut and what if they just cut it anyway? Like I’m some dumb ass to them that didn’t know what they were talking about. That would be so disrespectful of them. Not once has my mom ever mentioned cutting my daughter’s hair, she just works with what she got and re does it. Even if it hasn’t been cut, I feel that trust has been lost. Because now they feel like they have the ability to do so without needing consent or a say so. What should I do?