Strained relationship
Long backstory short my mum blocked anyone that got a Covid vaccine back in the day. Which included myself and my brother. Fast forward I now have two kids and my brother has one.
My dad used to come to family events without mum (they are still married) but all of a sudden he’s refusing to come unless my mums invited. There were many arguments before she blocked us all. She’s always been opinionated, rude and flakey. She previously didn’t talk to me for over a year because I got a motorbike and she said to me im more dead to her than her stillborn baby (she had before having my brother and I)
Anyway my son’s christening is on Sunday I invited my dad. He asked if mum could come and I politely said no I’d rather catch up with mum with my brother not at a family event I don’t need the extra stress or conflict. My dad has turned around and said “If mum isn't allowed to come to Christening then I won't come as you said it's a family gathering.
I am tired of going to events and people tell me shame *my name* mother doesn't want to attend.
When the truth is you don't allow her to come.”
This woman didn’t even show up to my wedding when she was invited!! That was over 4 years ago.
I don’t even know how to reply to my dad
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I think it's fair enough to say to him "the relationship is not in a good enough place for her to attend this special day and there to not be tension. If there's a desire to resolve things we need to do that on a less pressurised occasion and rebuild slowly. If you don't want to come in light of that, I respect your decision".
Truth be told your mother sounds beyond toxic and it would be more than fair enough if you had no desire to resolve it or have her in your children's lives. And your father is using guilt and emotional manipulation to get her an invite, which is also not good.
Hold the boundary. If your father doesn't come that's a sad outcome but ultimately his choice.
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