Vent// daddy issues??
So I have a deadbeat for a father. Always been in and out of prison my whole life. Well he called me one day and asked me for a ride to court. Said he was really trying to pull his life together and do the right thing. And me being who I am with a kind heart and the hope that he really was trying to straighten up his life so i helped him. Unfortunately we never made it to court because there was a car accident. A truck ran into my lane and nearly hit me but the roads were wet so my car spun out when I tried to adjust. Well almost a year later.. and the day I had my son I was notified that he was trying to sue for an insane amount of money claiming injury but neither of us were hurt at all. Anyway my partner is super upset about it still and I don’t have any idea what to do. The car was his mother’s and so was the insurance. They were nice enough to pay the hospital bill but i later found out that he took that money and tried to hire an attorney to keep getting money out of the insurance… I was just borrowing it and to be fair and honest i should not have tried to help him. All I can think about is how I should have never even answered my phone. I know now that I’m an easy target because of my soft heart. I never want to see him again and I now hate him. More than I could ever hate anyone. He has ruined my entire plan for my life.
I was going to get married and have my family. But I think this has affected my partner too deeply. We have a son and we were planning a wedding and a life together but everything has come to a stop. We still live together but at this point I feel like he’s only letting me stay because I’m taking care of our son and his daughter…. I’ve never felt more alone and it’s killing me. I haven’t worked in years. I no longer drive because i can’t afford insurance right now with that accident on my record. He doesn’t seem to look at me with love any more. I feel helpless. No matter how many times I try to apologize and explain what happened he doesn’t seem to believe me. I’m not shady. It wasn’t a set up. I’ve never done anything bad to anyone ever. It’s been 3 months since my son has been born. And my partner never lets me forget that it’s my fault that my father did this. And trust me I regret letting my guard down and i should have known better. I believe the case was dismissed due to lack of evidence and the fact that i refused to back up whatever story he made up to get the lawsuit going. And i simply haven’t heard anything more about it progressing.
But occasionally my partner will bring up the issue and I don’t know how to fix it.
I only know that I feel incredibly awful and I don’t want this to destroy my relationship. Every thing was so good before and now it’s just sad. I never leave the house other than appointments. He won’t eat with me or sleep with me. I get tiny little scraps of affection to survive on.. I try so hard to keep my spirits up so the kids don’t see me sad. I have places to go if I had to leave. But I don’t want to. I love my family. I have spent so much time and energy building the relationship I have with his daughter and making sure that she gets what she needs like making sure the clothes we have for her fit properly or helping her do her hair or experimenting with make up. There’s so much I do for her and feel like that’s why he hasn’t asked me to leave. And he knows how badly I need our family to stay a family. It will kill me to split up.
I feel like I’m droning on and on at this point, so if you made it this far thank you for your time. 😭❤️🩹
Counseling is probably not an option. I don’t think i could get him to agree or come up with the extra money for it. He claims I won’t talk about it but the truth is that have said all there is to say he just won’t accept that I’m not out to get him. And honestly neither is the rest of my family.
Just that one horrible person I have for a father. And I promise he will never have access to me or my children ever again. He has never met my son. And he never will. With everything he’s done in life he doesn’t deserve anything good. It might sound horrible and harsh But I hope he dies and takes all the pain he has caused with him.
In a normal circumstance i would never with death on any one but its not normal to constantly be a bad person and hurt your family on purpose when all they have ever done it try to help you get your life right.
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I’m sorry about everything that has happened. I do have a question though. Do you believe in God? If so, this could have all happened for a reason.
The reason isn’t for you to hate your father. But to see how your partner would respond. I feel like if your partner cared about you. Loved you. It wouldn’t be like this, you know? He wouldn’t keep bringing it up. He would be so worry about you. Your health. I get the upset part. It’s alright to be upset. But you didn’t cause this. Nobody can predict an accident.
My husband was in a car accident two or three years ago. I didn’t get mad. I was upset. Scared. I took care of him. Because I love him and I would never lose that love for him.
You do have a soft heart. I do too. I say it’s a blessing and a curse.
I as well have been through with my dad in and out of jail all my life. I just got him back in my life. So far he’s in this facility. Is this the best idea after 16 plus years to talk to him? I don’t know. I will see. Only God knows.
Also. If your partner really cared/loved you. He would never leave you to be alone. Eat alone. That just shows who he is. God always finds a way to show us (even if we decide not to see it) Who someone really is.
I know you love your family. You want to keep it together. But don’t you think it’ll just hurt you? He will keep bringing it up. He won’t give you what you want/need. Instead you’ll take what he gives and you deserve better. You deserve to be happy. Those kids deserve to be happy.
You don’t have to go to therapy if you don’t want to. Does it help? Yeah. But money doesn’t grow on trees lol. Maybe, you could talk to a friend? Sometimes a stranger? Not everyone will be judgmental. I will listen. We all got a story.
But I get how you feel. You don’t like your dad because now this has happened. But I would try to look at it another way. It could be just to show you how your partner feels. How he reacts like I said. But this is just me. If you need anyone to talk to, I’m here.
You're partner doesn't love you if he doesn't eat or sleep with you. I don't believe in god but I believe this is the universe showing you that he is not right for you. I'm so sorry your father did this. He is a terrible person.
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