Help!

I don’t really know who to ask I know my circle will say I’m right and his will defend him so some impartial advice would be great.

My partner has never gotten our almost 6 month old to sleep not once, he never does a night feed ever even though she is bottle fed, I’ve had to lie and tell him I hate doing bath time so he actually does one thing a day specifically for her and I can get 10mins to myself (when I say to myself I usually clean bottles etc) Now he does work very hard and he is in the middle of buying us a bigger house which of course I’m incredibly grateful for but I’m exhausted and need his help I keep crying I’ve told him how I feel he’s says he will try harder but every argument we have he tells me how hard he’s working to get us a bigger family home. He’s been out a few times with his mates for the football and is out with work lot right now as a last minute plan said he wouldn’t be home much later than usual which is 6pm and it’s almost 8pm and he’s still half an hour away from home at least. I just feel like my life is completely her and he gets to do what he wants when he wants we live near his family and friends not my own so I feel disconnect from them too. I don’t really know what I’m asking you all here but I hope you can just give me some opinions even if it is just suck it up buttercup you’ve both got your own roles. Thank you in advance.

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Parenting doesn’t stop just because he has a job. I do most of it because I’m on maternity leave and that’s kinda why we have maternity leave but feeding your child is literally the bare minimum from any parent. There might be some resentment about him going out with friends (don’t worry it’s normal and I to resent my husband that he has been able to keep a semi normal life) but he still needs to remember he his a whole parent and his child needs looking after. He also needs to remember it’s a lot of responsibility just for one person so he also needs to be there for you for support.

He may be working very hard yes, but so are you? I'm making an assumption here but I guess he has days off of work right? You are being a mum 24/7, and though he may be stressed and overwhelmed with his work, he does get respite from it. You both deserve to rest, and the only way you can do that is sharing the load with baby. I totally get the resentment; it's really frustrating that our partners can really just make a plan with friends etc and be able to go and do it, whereas as mum you feel like you can't do the same thing and baby is so much more dependent on you. I think the best thing is to be honest about that resentment to some extent, but sounds like you're already having those conversations.

Especially as baby is bottle fed, it might be good for your partner to take over 1 night a week. 1 night out of 7 is not at all a big ask. He might then also appreciate how difficult it is and have a bit more empathy with everything else going forward

I am on your side in this situation, it is of course great he’s working and providing for the family but you are working too! It’s not a holiday looking after babies, and you need a rest from it just as much too. Also, she is as much his baby as yours so he should be supporting and helping with some baby care at home as well. I feel lucky with my partner as he helps out loads while also working, and we try to make time for both of us to get time away with friends/family when we can. It’s so important to both get down time, being a parent is a very hard 24/7 job! I got to 4 months of doing the overnights with my little girl and broke down re the lack of sleep and my partner has done the nights for her ever since. It’s been a huge weight lifted off and helped me be a better mum to both her and her sister through the day now. Hopefully you can get a bit of rest soon, you’re doing amazing 🤍

Me and my husband agreed before we had our son, that when he’s at work, I’m also at work caring for our son, when he’s home we both “clock out” of work, and straight into coparenting, he does bedtime and the first night feed (unless he’s on a late shift then I do bedtime), I wash bottles and it’s worked perfectly for us. We’re both working, just different jobs! Xx

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