How do you practice self control/emotional regulation as an adult? Apparently I was never taught and I’m struggling with my 4 1/2 year old

I was never taught either. I just try my hardest to model the behavior I want. Take a deep breath, count to four.

Daniel tiger helps a lot with cute little songs or other things that work great for kids but also parents.

Regulating your nervous system is a big key in emotional regulation. When you’re anxious your prefrontal cortex, the part of the brain responsible for logical thinking, shuts down and your amygdala the emotional response over fires. When you do things to regulate your nervous system, your body switches out of fight or flight and your reasoning comes back on. Deep breathing, breathe work (you can find videos on YouTube), yoga, and somatic exercises are great ways to start.

Getting down to my child’s level always seems to help me. I also think it helps her to not have me towering over when emotions are high.
I often have to tell myself “it’s not the end of the world”.

I feel hypocritical giving advice tbh cause girlie I feel you.

But what’s worked for our house, is 1.) singing my instructions and requests instead of speaking normally (it sounds more fun and engaging & keeps yelling from being the first instinct)
2.) “you need ___ , I need __ , then we ___” sentence structuring, helps my child feel involved and not demanded, therefore it’s collaborative from the jump & not just me saying what has to happen
3.) saying what I want from my child instead of “no, don’t, and stop” a kids brain hears all those words as filler words basically, they don’t really direct them on what they should do instead.
“Can we find our calm lungs” instead of “stop being so loud/ stop screaming”
“Slow gentle feet” instead of “don’t run or jump”
& outside of that, I’ve been working with a vagus nerve stimulator on the daily that helps me actually regulate my nervous system from the inside out instead of just using all the mindfulness skills I’ve learned since i was 6