Husband disappears
Hi everyone, I need you to be brutally honest. If I’m doing something wrong, I genuinely want to know.
My husband sometimes disappears for hours without telling me where he’s going or when he’ll be back.
This isn’t an everyday occurrence, but every couple of months he’ll leave for 4–8 hours while I’m home alone with our baby. If we’re arguing, he’s even left overnight to stay at his parents’ house, leaving me alone with the baby.
For example, today he told me he was going to the gym at 10 a.m. He didn’t come home until 2 p.m. When I asked where he’d been, he immediately got angry and said, “Here we go again.”
Do I not have the right to know where my husband was for four hours? He didn’t check in on me or the baby once. I hadn’t even eaten breakfast or lunch because I’d been taking care of the baby. When he got home, I noticed he didn’t eat anything either, so I assumed he’d already eaten while he was out.
For context, we hadn’t even been fighting. The night before he was very sweet and affectionate, so I thought everything was fine.
Another example was Father’s Day. I took my husband, my dad, and my father-in-law out for lunch. Afterward, my husband said he was just going to drop off dessert at his parents’ house. He left around 3 p.m. and didn’t come home until 11 p.m.—eight hours later.
I tried calling him, but he didn’t answer. I even called his parents, and they said he wasn’t there. They became worried too and started calling him. His dad even drove around the neighborhood looking for him.
When my husband finally got home and I asked where he’d been, he got angry with me.
So… what am I doing wrong?
These are only two examples. There have been many more incidents like this.
I’ve asked him to go to couples therapy, but he refuses. I know our communication isn’t great. Sometimes I avoid bringing things up because he gets angry very easily and has a bad temper.
I honestly don’t know what to do anymore. Am I being unreasonable for expecting him to tell me where he is and check in when he’s gone for hours, especially when I’m home alone caring for our baby?
Lil rant / looking for some validation
So me and my bd are split but we still live together cause he can’t save up enough money to move out, and I can’t cause we live with my family. But everything I do I get a passive aggressive phone call or three, wether it be grocery shopping hanging out with my family or even just going to work he calls me and gives me shit for being out or taking forever or not hanging out with him enough cause we’re friends and friends hang out he’s talking like sitting in his room for hours doing what he wants never wants to do what I want as friends. But since we’ve split he’s fucked a dude, and has now gone clubbing with someone and spent the night at her place. And it doesn’t bother me in the sense I’m jealous he’s doing these things, more I’m jealous I’m not doing theses things he has such a tight hold on me and then I let him do as he pleases, the thing is if I even try to say anything about what he does I’m the bad guy cause he’s just trying to live his life which I get. But like why can’t I live my life too, with the same freedom if I even mention dating again, he freaks out cause “why don’t I just date him then? why are we split ?”
I think I married one of the most toxic men!!
My husband is soo toxic and it’s so annoyingly confusing. He’s loyal, a provider, hard working, committed to his family (me and the kids) but on the flip side this man has never paid me a compliment he finds it soo hard to say something nice to me… (he says he’s a doer not a lover boy sweet talker) but that’s not what I’m asking for I just think it’s normal to at least say well done, I’m proud of you, here give me a hug, you look nice today, you’re so good at…. Anything!!! But no just can not bring himself to do it. But to critic oh he can go on and on on things I haven’t quite done right.. always takes an opportunity to give feedback or criticism but never a word of encouragement.
I’ve tried talking to him but I realise this is just who he really is. At the start I never noticed this he was so lovely to me made me feel beautiful and seen and desired now I honestly question if he even likes me… when I ask him do you even like me he just laughs in my face and calls me dramatic.
To him the fact that he is loyal and committed to the family should tell me all that I need to know but I don’t know I just find it so weird how you can love someone and not uplift them.
Has anyone experienced this?! And please I don’t want any of the ‘no I can’t relate my husband is amazing’ comments. I’m soo happy for you but I just want to hear from those who relate of have experienced this in the past.
Apartment pool
My daughter and I recently started going to our apartment pool with a few other moms and their kids. The funny thing is, our pool was always completely empty before. For months, nobody used it.
Now that the weather has been nice and a few moms have started bringing their kids, there’s suddenly an older man who is there every single day, all day. He sits alone in the same corner wearing sunglasses and a big sun hat, so you can barely even see his face. I’ll check the pool, see him there, come back two or three hours later, and he’s still sitting in the exact same spot. It happens every day.
My partner keeps telling me, “Just go. Who cares if he’s there?” But I don’t think he understands the pattern. It’s not that someone happens to be using the pool at the same time. It’s that the pool sat empty for months, and now that moms and little kids have started using it, this man is suddenly there from morning until evening every single day.
Maybe it’s completely innocent, but as a mom, I’m just not comfortable taking my baby to the pool alone while a man sits in the corner watching the pool for hours. It really sucks because I want to enjoy the pool with my daughter, but instead I find myself avoiding it.
