I fucking want to kill myself.
My three year old barely speaks. And he’s learned to think he can do everything by himself instead of trying to ask for help or waiting for an adult to not be pissing in the bathroom before he starts trying to do it by himself.
He’s learned that he should just do things by himself because his fuck ass father barely paid attention for the first 2 years of his life and would ignore his attempts to get an adults attention so he would either just do it himself or give up.
Yet somehow when I break down and cry about how frustrating it is that he doesn’t even try to speak or ask for help with things his dad tries to say it’s my fault because apparently when he’s home 2-3 days out of the week he doesn’t see me doing enough vocab with our child. As if I’m not alone with our child 5-6 days out of the week doing my absolute fucking best.
I’m so fucking over this. When my second child is born in November, I’m either straight up killing myself or I am the one going back to work so dad can be the one staying at home.
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He doesn’t hear my frustration as just my feelings of frustration he sees it as an opportunity to place blame onto me somehow when I’ve been clocked in since the day our son was born where as dad only checked in when he turned fucking three years old.
I want him to experience doing the absolute best you can all by yourself & still ending up feeling like a failure.
Or I want to see him do everything better than I ever could and have all our kids on a great track.
I just am sick of trying my best and being told that I am a failure
That is so hard to feel like you’re a failure no matter what you do. I may not know you but I KNOW that you do not deserve that. You are doing an amazing job!! You deserve to feel supported. Being alone with your child without a break day after day is exhausting and what you are doing is enough. Maybe you need a break from your child’s father?
I hear you saying that you want to go back to work. If that would be good for your mental health, you should do that!! More power to you!
Even though you are struggling right now, I KNOW your son loves you so much and needs you and so does your baby on the way. You are so important and loved and needed.
Do you have someone you can talk to like a therapist? If you’re in the US, please call the National Suicide Prevention Hotline-800-273-8255. Or text TALK to 741741.
You are worthy of getting help and you are so loved. 💜
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