Am I being unreasonable - little one getting hurt playi g with family children
I'm genuinely looking for opinions, whether right or wrong, I may be overthinking. My little girl is almost 2, partners family has a child who is almost four and another a couple of weeks younger. We have different parenting styles/boundaries etc, each to their own, but it does impact my little one. The almost four year old is typical for age I think, often hyper, easily excited but also very physical. This is allowed and one of my issues is that whilst they are told not to push etc my daughter it's always because "she doesn't like it" not because we don't hurt others etc.
I have had issues before, such as them deliberately swinging an elbow towards her face, watched them focus on target, so know it was on purpose not saying it was intending to hurt.
This weekend they're playing together, almost four year old is throwing plastic balls and hitting daughter in face, so I tried to redirect so the game isn't throwing at but towards.
Later both playing again on a bouncy castle. In the split second I was not able to see as I was moving closer. Almost four year old is through the opening where my daughter was playing with them. My daughter is sat crying, holding her cheek which had gone bright red. I suspect a headbutt style clash, because of how four year old throws self around, but there definitely wasn't any attempt to avoid it or get her to move. Both speak and understand fine.
Later they are both going on the slide, I've already said about not pushing her out the way and taking turns. The attempts to push my daughter out the way carry on, almost every time, and then they literally climb on top of my daughter wedging themselves into the footholes she's in and getting between her and the hand holds. I respond but their mum was there and addressing it. Mum had a point they were dealing and I overstepped. Mum goes onto say they are going to get knocks, when I raised I don't want my child getting hurt again. I apologised later for overstepping it was wrong of me no question. But the comment they are going to get knocks has stuck.
I fully agree, daughter will get knocks and bumps and bruises. That is life, it will happen when they are playing together and both loose awareness. My issue isn't that she will get knocks, I obviously don't want her hurt but don't think I'm unrealistic. I just feel it is different when they are playing nicely to pushing and shoving and a child almost twice her age who repeatedly does things that puts her at risk of actual injury, like elbowing her in the face or jumping on top of her or rolling around and taking her out.
I can't help but think that if that happened at nursery repeatedly there would be fair questions to ask about what they are doing to protect my daughter so why should I accept it with family? I do obviously always watch her and either me or her dad are with her. But she gets way more bruises from this play than nursery or anywhere else.
Sorry for the ramble but I am genuinely struggling with if I am wrong to feel this way. All opinions welcome. TIA.
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No you’re definitely not the asshole personally I wouldn’t allow my children around these family members anymore, like you say theres a big difference between a momentary lapse in judgment and repeated hitting, shoving ect and the fact that these children’s parents aren’t more on their kids when they’re known to behave this way shows they don’t care all that much about your child’s safety x
I dont think you're wrong to feel the way you do. Yes kids are going to get hurt being kids accidents happen. But it doesnt sound like those parents are doing much of anything to prevent their daughter from hurting yours. Just pushing it off meanwhile theirs is doing these things on purpose. Imo they need to teach their child to be aware of what they are causing and to look out for others. 4 is old enough to learn that. My 3yo (just turned 3) has good practice about looking out for his little sister and us (parents) about avoiding hurting people. Accidents happen for sure but a child needs to be taught to be careful especially around younger kids.
I think the behaviour is completely normal for that age. But mum and dad should know their child does that and keep an eye on them around the little one. And if they're not watching them then they should be prepared for you to correct the behaviour. It's not just accidental knocks and bumps, sounds genuinely dangerous when talking about climbing up to the slide. What's your relationship like with the parents? If it's strained in some way, maybe that's why they're funny with you about it?
Well considering that I would’ve totally drug my 4yo off that slide & had a talk with him about how ladders & taking turns work & unless he can use some of those boundaries he’s been taught, then he can just stay away & let the others play. Mine is extremely hyperactive, he’s actually in OT to get some help learning how to deal w/it, while I keep a close watch making sure they’re not trying to train him to act “normal”. He can get a bit rough but it’s obviously not intentional, he’s what I’d call the more sporty type, he doesn’t always recognize other’s emotions, but he’s still extremely empathetic & sympathetic. I had to catch a strangers child a while back when they were both playing on a blow up rock wall & he started bouncing at the bottom & she was at top & got bounced clear off bc she was so tiny compared to my 50lbs extremely stocky boy. Idk how that mom wasn’t upset, she was just thanking me that I caught her mid air & I was thinking about the convo I’d be having.
You are completely in the right here, I have a similar situation with my sisters child who is 3months older than my son. Everyone just acts like it isn’t a big deal and they are just being kids but it’s a big deal for myself and my husband.
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